"Which is the better story, the story with animals or the story without animals?"
"That's an interesting question... the story with animals...yes. The story with animals is the better story."
"Thank you. And so it goes with God."
After the long silence, it was the cat who was the first to speak.
"Well, this sucks," he said.
Certainly, it sucked. Shipwrecked, low on supplies, and surrounded by the sorriest lot of fellow castaways - a dog, a bird, a goat, some freshwater fish in a small aquarium, and a dominant gorilla guarding a cage of penguins.
A storm sank the ship in the early hours of the morning. This was not surprising given the equally sorry state of the ship, poorly maintained by the gorillas, who had cut many corners in safety and quality. What other way was there to turn a quick profit for themselves?
Dawn merely replaced their initial shock with full comprehension of how much their situation sucked.
The goat was nearly beside herself with terror.
"We're all going to die!" she kept yelling as she fidgeted restlessly about.
"We're going to run out of water in less than a week!" said the dog.
This was not a problem for the five fish in the tiny aquarium, but they nonetheless exclaimed, "How are we going to get enough food?!"
The bird said: "Ark. Ark. Ark. How are we going to get enough food?! Ark. Ark. Ark."
Everyone was in an agitated state.
What seemed to agitate the gorilla the most ,however, was the incessant, insubordinate chatter of the four penguins.
The order of the animal kingdom was such that gorillas ran the show - ever since that day, fifty years ago, when they broke out from the oppression of the humans, the mighty gorillas have been the ones in charge.
Animals simply didn't know any other way.
Except, it seems, for the penguins.
Dangerous questions
Lately, these pesky aquatic avians had been asking all sorts of dangerous questions: Why do the gorillas get all the best food? Why don't all the different animals get an equal say in how things are run? Why won't the gorillas turn the damned air-conditioning up?
It was exactly these type of questions that had gotten the currently incarcerated four penguins locked up.
Incarceration, however, failed to dampen their enthusiasm, and apparently, neither did being shipwrecked. It did not take them long that morning to begin haranguing the lone gorilla about what they thought was wrong with the animal kingdom today.
They ranted on at length about equality, discrimination, exploitation, and the like. They looked to the other animals for support, but the others were far too timid to speak up against the hulking gorilla.
Finally, the latter could take it no longer. He let out a frightening roar, and proceeded to gag each and every one of the penguins. This proved an effective silencer for the time being.
The gorilla turned to look menacingly at the rest of the animals, and said threateningly, "Now isn't that better?"
The only one of the terrified group to reply was the bird, who said, "Ark. Ark. Ark. Isn't that better? Ark. Ark. Ark."
The grumpy gorilla then went back to brooding silently, trying to finda way back to land, and not being overly concerned about the rest of the animals, who, for lack of anything better to do, began whispering among themselves.
"I mean, don't get me wrong," the dog was the first to say, "I've got nothing against the gorillas. I'm no penguin lover. But... sometimes I just want to say what's on my mind, just like they do, you know?
"After all, God made me this way. A dog's gotta bark. But the gorillas are always getting so mad whenever I do."
The goat was the next to whisper, "I didn't want to say anything before you know, but sometimes I feel that the gorillas spend all this time teaching us goats how to pick fruits, but by the time they're done taking their share of the fruits we pick, there's hardly any left for us!"
The cat nodded his head in agreement, "That is kind of greedy."
The bird saw fit to contribute, "Ark. Ark. Ark. That is kind of greedy. Ark. Ark. Ark."
The fishes had their problems too, "You know, the gorillas live in great big mansions, with so much space all to themselves, whereas all we can afford is to get crammed into these tiny five feet aquariums!
"And if there are any ‘illegal' fish from different lands who make their way over to try and find better work, they get caught and crammed into even tinier aquariums! I've heard some pretty scary stories from those places!"
The cat added his own tale of woe, "You guys think you have it bad? I had a cousin, was just in the wrong place at the wrong time one day, looking for food - chicken bones, I think it was. A couple of gorillas picked him up, accused him of stealing some bananas, and kicked the crap out of him.
"He didn't make it. And when the gorillas gave the body back to his parents, they said he died from water in his lungs.
"I mean... cats don't even like bananas!"
The bird says, predictably, "Ark. Ark. Ark. Cats don't even like bananas! Ark. Ark. Ark."
"I mean, and look at this young idiot," the cat continues, "He's supposed to be an example of our brightest university students, but the gorillas keep his feet tied all day, and all he can do is mimic whatever those around him say. No opinion of his own.
"Ark. Ark."
"Oh shut up!"
This last exclamation, the cat uttered perhaps a little too loudly, and the grumpy gorilla stirs. It appears he had not been so oblivious to the animals' conversations after all.
He turns to face them, draws himself up to full height, and yells, "Listen!'
"Look here you ungrateful dimwits, do you have any idea where you'd be without gorillas? It was the gorillas that won you independence from the humans," said the gorilla, despite how in actual fact, all but a precious few humans had died mysteriously from some contagious disease those fifty years ago.
Browbeating the lesser animals
"It was the gorillas that slaved and fought just to ensure peace among all the animals, and stability for all your children. Have you no respect for your elders and betters? For peace and stability?
"And you think you've got problems? Let me tell you who has problems. Humans have problems. Look at the ones who wanted nothing but an iPhone, but were given a Galaxy Note instead?"
The animals did not have the faintest clue what the gorilla was talking about, but he went on.
"How dare you listen to that nonsense those penguins are sprouting!? Do I need to remind you of the great earthquake 44 years ago?! Do you remember how many animals died? You see what happens when you let penguins just say whatever they want? Earthquakes!"
By then, the grumpy gorilla was frothing in a mad, distracted rage. One of the smarter penguins took this opportunity to ungag her friend, who then proceeded in an unseemly fashion to choke out a lockpick, and unlock the cage.
With blinding speed, the penguins zipped out and karate chopped the stunned gorilla into an unconscious state.
"That's an interesting question... the story with animals...yes. The story with animals is the better story."
"Thank you. And so it goes with God."
After the long silence, it was the cat who was the first to speak.
"Well, this sucks," he said.
Certainly, it sucked. Shipwrecked, low on supplies, and surrounded by the sorriest lot of fellow castaways - a dog, a bird, a goat, some freshwater fish in a small aquarium, and a dominant gorilla guarding a cage of penguins.A storm sank the ship in the early hours of the morning. This was not surprising given the equally sorry state of the ship, poorly maintained by the gorillas, who had cut many corners in safety and quality. What other way was there to turn a quick profit for themselves?
Dawn merely replaced their initial shock with full comprehension of how much their situation sucked.
The goat was nearly beside herself with terror.
"We're all going to die!" she kept yelling as she fidgeted restlessly about.
"We're going to run out of water in less than a week!" said the dog.
This was not a problem for the five fish in the tiny aquarium, but they nonetheless exclaimed, "How are we going to get enough food?!"
The bird said: "Ark. Ark. Ark. How are we going to get enough food?! Ark. Ark. Ark."Everyone was in an agitated state.
What seemed to agitate the gorilla the most ,however, was the incessant, insubordinate chatter of the four penguins.
The order of the animal kingdom was such that gorillas ran the show - ever since that day, fifty years ago, when they broke out from the oppression of the humans, the mighty gorillas have been the ones in charge.
Animals simply didn't know any other way.
Except, it seems, for the penguins.
Dangerous questions
Lately, these pesky aquatic avians had been asking all sorts of dangerous questions: Why do the gorillas get all the best food? Why don't all the different animals get an equal say in how things are run? Why won't the gorillas turn the damned air-conditioning up?
It was exactly these type of questions that had gotten the currently incarcerated four penguins locked up.
Incarceration, however, failed to dampen their enthusiasm, and apparently, neither did being shipwrecked. It did not take them long that morning to begin haranguing the lone gorilla about what they thought was wrong with the animal kingdom today.
They ranted on at length about equality, discrimination, exploitation, and the like. They looked to the other animals for support, but the others were far too timid to speak up against the hulking gorilla.
Finally, the latter could take it no longer. He let out a frightening roar, and proceeded to gag each and every one of the penguins. This proved an effective silencer for the time being.
The gorilla turned to look menacingly at the rest of the animals, and said threateningly, "Now isn't that better?"
The only one of the terrified group to reply was the bird, who said, "Ark. Ark. Ark. Isn't that better? Ark. Ark. Ark."
The grumpy gorilla then went back to brooding silently, trying to finda way back to land, and not being overly concerned about the rest of the animals, who, for lack of anything better to do, began whispering among themselves."I mean, don't get me wrong," the dog was the first to say, "I've got nothing against the gorillas. I'm no penguin lover. But... sometimes I just want to say what's on my mind, just like they do, you know?
"After all, God made me this way. A dog's gotta bark. But the gorillas are always getting so mad whenever I do."
The goat was the next to whisper, "I didn't want to say anything before you know, but sometimes I feel that the gorillas spend all this time teaching us goats how to pick fruits, but by the time they're done taking their share of the fruits we pick, there's hardly any left for us!"
The cat nodded his head in agreement, "That is kind of greedy."
The bird saw fit to contribute, "Ark. Ark. Ark. That is kind of greedy. Ark. Ark. Ark."
The fishes had their problems too, "You know, the gorillas live in great big mansions, with so much space all to themselves, whereas all we can afford is to get crammed into these tiny five feet aquariums!
"And if there are any ‘illegal' fish from different lands who make their way over to try and find better work, they get caught and crammed into even tinier aquariums! I've heard some pretty scary stories from those places!"
The cat added his own tale of woe, "You guys think you have it bad? I had a cousin, was just in the wrong place at the wrong time one day, looking for food - chicken bones, I think it was. A couple of gorillas picked him up, accused him of stealing some bananas, and kicked the crap out of him."He didn't make it. And when the gorillas gave the body back to his parents, they said he died from water in his lungs.
"I mean... cats don't even like bananas!"
The bird says, predictably, "Ark. Ark. Ark. Cats don't even like bananas! Ark. Ark. Ark."
"I mean, and look at this young idiot," the cat continues, "He's supposed to be an example of our brightest university students, but the gorillas keep his feet tied all day, and all he can do is mimic whatever those around him say. No opinion of his own.
"Ark. Ark."
"Oh shut up!"
This last exclamation, the cat uttered perhaps a little too loudly, and the grumpy gorilla stirs. It appears he had not been so oblivious to the animals' conversations after all.
He turns to face them, draws himself up to full height, and yells, "Listen!'
"Look here you ungrateful dimwits, do you have any idea where you'd be without gorillas? It was the gorillas that won you independence from the humans," said the gorilla, despite how in actual fact, all but a precious few humans had died mysteriously from some contagious disease those fifty years ago.
Browbeating the lesser animals
"It was the gorillas that slaved and fought just to ensure peace among all the animals, and stability for all your children. Have you no respect for your elders and betters? For peace and stability?
"And you think you've got problems? Let me tell you who has problems. Humans have problems. Look at the ones who wanted nothing but an iPhone, but were given a Galaxy Note instead?"
The animals did not have the faintest clue what the gorilla was talking about, but he went on.
"How dare you listen to that nonsense those penguins are sprouting!? Do I need to remind you of the great earthquake 44 years ago?! Do you remember how many animals died? You see what happens when you let penguins just say whatever they want? Earthquakes!"
By then, the grumpy gorilla was frothing in a mad, distracted rage. One of the smarter penguins took this opportunity to ungag her friend, who then proceeded in an unseemly fashion to choke out a lockpick, and unlock the cage.
With blinding speed, the penguins zipped out and karate chopped the stunned gorilla into an unconscious state.
After a brief debate among themselves, it was decided that the gorilla was not to be thrown overboard. At least one penguin was extremely disappointed with this decision.
Nevertheless, they immediately started building a makeshift raft, beckoning to the other animals to join their escape from tyranny and exploitation.
"This is our chance!" yelled the dog, ever eager to follow.
The goat was less sure. "But we don't really know anything about those penguins! Seems kinda unsafe, do they even know what they're doing? I mean, the water is full of sharks!"
(This was in fact untrue, as all the sharks had gone extinct due to the unfortunate result of shark fin soup.)
"Are you kidding? They're heroes! Great leaders!" slobbered the dog.
"Leaders? They can't even figure out how to lead themselves!" noted the goat.
Indeed, construction of the raft was going badly, as each of the very opinionated penguins seem intent on defending their own engineering vision and were arguing heatedly.
The fish voiced their concerns, "Yeah! What if they turn out to be worse than the gorillas?"
The cat pondered the distant possibility, "Worse than the gorillas..."
A brief silence passed.
A rather shoddy-looking, but ultimately seaworthy raft now completed, the penguins yelled to the others, "Are you guys coming?!"
"Ark. Ark. Ark. Are you guys coming?! Ark. Ark. Ark."
Nevertheless, they immediately started building a makeshift raft, beckoning to the other animals to join their escape from tyranny and exploitation.
"This is our chance!" yelled the dog, ever eager to follow.
The goat was less sure. "But we don't really know anything about those penguins! Seems kinda unsafe, do they even know what they're doing? I mean, the water is full of sharks!"
(This was in fact untrue, as all the sharks had gone extinct due to the unfortunate result of shark fin soup.)
"Are you kidding? They're heroes! Great leaders!" slobbered the dog.
"Leaders? They can't even figure out how to lead themselves!" noted the goat.
Indeed, construction of the raft was going badly, as each of the very opinionated penguins seem intent on defending their own engineering vision and were arguing heatedly.
The fish voiced their concerns, "Yeah! What if they turn out to be worse than the gorillas?"
The cat pondered the distant possibility, "Worse than the gorillas..."
A brief silence passed.
A rather shoddy-looking, but ultimately seaworthy raft now completed, the penguins yelled to the others, "Are you guys coming?!"
"Ark. Ark. Ark. Are you guys coming?! Ark. Ark. Ark."
NATHANIEL TAN believes that imitation is the best form of flattery. He likes Madagascar, Martel, Murakami, Movies about Monkeys, and Malaysia.
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