Listen, even frogs have problems!

It is sad that Perkasa chief Ibrahim Ali's harmless rants on the burning of Bibles have caused so much misunderstanding, says the writer in this satirical piece.

COMMENT

Since Barisan Nasional lost its two-thirds mandate in the general election, attacks and insults against Islam have increased dramatically. Luckily, we have Ibrahim Ali to come to the rescue like a gallant knight.

A true champion of the human race and religion, Ibrahim is a rare and dying breed. Not a single Malay possesses his inhuman courage or the strength to uphold an entire race or the nobility of the religion.

Everyone pales in comparison to the one and only Ibrahim, who is capable of changing the course of Malaysian history.

Contrary to what we think of Ibrahim, he is neither an insult to Islam nor disgusting as many people perceive. He is actually a very nice man with that infectious smile who wouldn’t dream of harming even a fly. And if one looks closely at his stature, one can see the twinkle in his eyes and the youthful, attractive and charming looks, although a little somewhat weathered by advancing age.

One can also see the jollity in him, as he waddles along dragging his lumbering body without a care in the world. Anyone who knew him will vouch for his sanity, and that he is a quiet and caring person, not known for any violent outbursts.

His rare but awe-inspiring speeches and revelations are precision-calculated to resolve and eradicate many of the problems plaguing the country today.

His presence has been a true blessing for the country, and he has single handedly ironed out many potential national security threats faced by this country.

Today, Malaysians can heave a sigh of relief that the Chinese are not going to take over the country and neither are the Christians going to try and take over and install a Christian prime minister.

A misunderstood hero

It is sad that his harmless rants on the burning of Bibles have caused so much misunderstanding. His deputy has since clarified that Bibles in Malay are not real bibles but still people fail to understand. Malay is synonymous with being Muslim; therefore real Bibles should be in English or Jewish, and not in the Malay language.

Ibrahim would certainly not endorse the burning of “real” Bibles, God forbid!! If some of these Bibles are truly fakes, there is no sense in keeping them around, is there? What if an unsuspecting Muslim stumbles upon a Bible?

The deputy also clarified that Ibrahim actually meant that Bibles should only be burnt if they are received from a suspected source.

And to add insult to injury, Sabah politicians are throwing childish tantrums threatening to pull out from the federation based on such silly excuses like Bible burning.

A Sarawakian NGO even went to the extent of calling the state to pull out, saying: “We, Sarawakians, want no part in this heated quarrel over the ‘Allah’ issue. The people of Sabah and Sarawak have no religious or racial problems and we don’t wish to be contaminated with ‘religious poison’ from bigots and ‘dangerous’ politicians like Ibrahim Ali from Malaya.”

How come MoCS leader Francis Paul Siah fails to see that he himself is only seeking cheap political mileage at the expense of poor Ibrahim?

A small matter

The fact that the attorney-general has written off the incident as a “small matter” only shows that it is being intentionally blown out of proportion. Of course, Ibrahim feels disappointed and dejected at such a huge rejection of his seemingly innocent proposal. Remember, he too has a big heart!

Ibrahim means well and he has reiterated many times that his actions in the past are not meant to instigate communal tensions.

Frankly, he is having nightmares of Muslims being duped to convert to Christianity. And unlike PAS which only cares for the non-Muslim votes, he takes such incidents very personal.

He has also taken upon himself to be the champion of the Malays without being asked, at his very own expense and amidst untold personal suffering and sacrifice. Today, many of the Malays have only the utmost admiration for him for carrying such a heavy burden on his back. So how can others label him as a menace to society?

When he left PAS to become independent, everyone called him a frog. No one took the trouble to understand his predicament and his uneasiness with PAS’ stifling politics or why he made such a life-changing decision from human to frog.

Is it so difficult to understand that frogs also do have problems?

Neutral to the core

Anyone who thinks that he and Perkasa are pro-Barisan Nasional is dead wrong. How many times has he said that Perkasa is neutral and is not interested in politics?

It is the same reason why he does not condemn the rampant corruption nor is he concerned about the political wrangling in this country. He is more concerned about the continuity of the Malay race, the royalty and his beloved religion. Every other thing is secondary.

Look at how in the past he crossed swords with the Umno Youth chief Khairy Jamaluddin and Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Nazri Aziz? See how he ticks off MCA president Dr Chua Soi Lek with impunity?

Everyone knows better than to pick a fight with him and are avoiding him like the plague. He has warned Umno not to write him off. He has also warned MCA and Gerakan not to act funny. In fact, he has the whole BN government under his thumb.

Ever wondered why in the past, Pakatan Rakyat remains eerily silent every time he shoots off his mouth? And the only ones who criticise him are mostly BN leaders like S Vell Paari and the MCA president?

And while BN leaders are silently seething in despair at his clownish antics, Pakatan is laughing so hard until its face turns green.

But no, Ibrahim is not stupid or helpless either. If BN ever tries to ruffle his feathers, one word from his mouth, and we will see all 300,000 of his Perkasa supporters spoiling their votes and causing the biggest upset in Malaysian political history.

But Ibrahim is not a cruel person who will leave Umno in a lurch. His great wisdom will prevail in the end, and he will only exercise his great power for the good of all Malaysians.

So, it is time for the Malays to come to their senses and recognise the noble contributions of Ibrahim, Jakim and Umno who are the undisputed champions of religion and not go about voting questionable parties like PAS, DAP and PKR.

Really, it would do well for all Malaysians to give Ibrahim some face, and accept him as a god- fearing and law-abiding Muslim because if ever Pakatan does take over the government, he may be hailed as the greatest reluctant Malay hero that has ever hopped on Malaysian soil.

Tour consultant, sports pilot and naturalist Iskandar Dzulkarnain has been writing a few years now. He is a FMT columnist who loves writing satirical pieces like this one.