There is an old fable about this very evil and jealous queen who cannot stand other people being greater than her. She had this mirror on the wall and every day she would ask the mirror, ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all’. What this evil and jealous queen did not understand is you never ask a question if you do not like the answer.
NO HOLDS BARRED
Raja Petra Kamarudin
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest Malaysian of us all?
The person who you promised to make your Deputy Prime Minister when you become Prime Minister.
My wife?
No, idiot, Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah. You promised you will make him your Deputy when you become Prime Minister.
Sheesh. But why him?
Because Tengku Razaleigh is also from the Istana, just like the first Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman, second Prime Minister Abdul Razak Hussein, and current Prime Minister Hussein Onn, while you are not from the Istana but from Indian immigrant lineage. So when you become Prime Minister and you make Tengku Razaleigh your deputy he is going to be greater than you and the people are going to love him more than you.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest Malaysian of us all?
Your Deputy Prime Minister Musa Hitam. He is a happy-go-lucky person, parties and goes to discos and night clubs, is seen in the company of international artists and superstars, and the Malays view him as a true Malay warrior and patriot and not a pseudo-Malay like you. Furthermore, Musa is exciting and not boring like you.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest Malaysian of us all?
Your Deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim. He delivers wonderful speeches that would awe even orators such as Adolf Hitler and Fidel Castro. He can quote from books he has never read. He invents new words in every speech that are taken up by his friends in Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka as latest words in the Bahasa Malaysia dictionary. He has the ability to speak to both the Arabs and the American Jews and make them believe he is 100% with them. He is seen as the true father of anti-corruption while his friends become millionaires while you are seen as corrupt.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest Malaysian of us all?
Abdullah Ahmad Badawi. The people view him as the cleanest Prime Minister since Merdeka. He won the biggest election victory in Malaysian history just four months after taking over as Prime Minister. He is very religious and can even become imam to lead the congregation in prayer. His grandfather was one of the founders of PAS so even PAS members like him. He is humble, soft-spoken, never talks bad about others, does not boast, will never counter-attack anyone who attacks him, is considered an ulamak…all the opposite of what you are. Oh, and one more thing, his son-in-law, not your son, is going to be the future Prime Minister of Malaysia.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest Malaysian of us all?
Prime Minister Najib Razak. He is not abrasive or an antagonist. He does not pick fights with every other person in the world. He is seen as an Istana person or orang bangsawan and close to Royalty. He is a true Malay from Bugis warrior stock. He is good-looking and women swoon over him. He speaks English better than you. He can kill his political enemies silently and while smiling and not like you who is noisy and rough and kills without finesse.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the greatest Malaysian of us all?
Prime Minister Najib Razak who is….
Okay, okay, okay…enough already…sheesh…even with 1MDB still greatest. Matthias! Where the fook are you? Khairuddin! Where the hell are all these idiots?
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