Rats! Look what the cat dragged in

The other day I walked into the condo unit – and there it was lying on my bed.

A cat.

Not just on my bed, not only on my mattress, curled up snugly in my blanket no less. I shouted in righteous fury and it barely moved. Then I ran towards it and it got the message. I even lobbed a shoe in the general direction of its retreat to emphasise the point that its conduct was highly undesirable.

I admit I was disappointed that I missed.

As the trajectory of the projectile made itself clear, it became clear that I would be denied a sense of closure that could only be accorded by the shoe coming into contact with the creature’s annoying feline body.

Now lest you think I am a sadistic animal-hater and tormentor of vulnerable creatures, I’d like to point out that I became vegetarian 27 years ago because I refuse to condone the manner in which animals are treated by the food industry.

In this case, however, there were four other occupants of the apartment at the time, and they all knew how intensely I disliked the cat going onto the bed, but it was still permitted, thus leading to a renewal of hostilities between yours truly and the cat I actually call "Least Favourite" (she’s actually known as Boris-Doris).

This cat has the most unusual of habits – it likes to catch mice and rats from outside the apartment and bring them inside alive – and then release them to live inside the condo! Once it’s free in the condo – the cat generally ignores it.

This cat Scruffy usually rolls over as soon as she sees me. 

There was a time that an enterprising rat lived a guerrilla existence in our kitchen for a couple of months before being caught – by a trap, not the foolish cat who ushered it in and gave it a place to stay!

Another not so delightful habit Least Favourite has – is coughing up furballs on a regular basis. On more than one occasion, I’ve been stumbling in the dark on the way to the bathroom only to find myself slipping on the latest nausea-inducing gift from this cat. She also used to pee in my shoes and has pooped in both the bathtub and the bed. To top it all, this cheeky cat only pretends to be fond of me when she wants food!

And yet everyone else seems rather taken with this character!

To be fair I’ve also intervened more than once on her behalf when she was attacked by a larger cat. But considering the sheer stress added to my life by the presence of a supposedly calming pet, I have pondered the pros and cons of keeping cats. And realised that just about the only pro of this one is that it used to be really cute when it was a kitten - and yes, I am aware it could be argued that the same principle could easily be applied to humans too!

Every few years someone (namely me) has to pay for a new furniture set because the cats have been using the sofa as target practice for their claws. Their fur is constantly on my piano and laptop. It’s difficult to go on holiday. Cats aren’t even permitted in my apartment block but there seem to be dozens of units that violate this rule anyway. And then there’s the cost of food and medical treatment, etc. It may not be so much if you have one or two, but many cat lovers get bitten by the bug and want to get more and more.

This dog Coochie was my favourite pet of all.

I know cat lovers are generally compassionate people and indeed some of them are compulsive rescuers- however, I am not altogether sure that all of them are considerate. I once stayed in a bungalow and our neighbour had more than 20 cats. A few of them migrated to our garden in search of extra space. Unfortunately, their favourite spot to mate was just behind my room – and I would be treated to a nightly cacophony of caterwauling!

Cat lovers can also be stubborn – imagine being allergic to cats but insisting on surrounding yourselves with them!

Then there was the odd case of Igor, my favourite cat – he was a solitary fellow who always fought with other males. So he was given to my household where he was finally happy as the only cat – needless to say, the main cat lover decided that Igor’s successful rehabilitation meant she had to adopt another one – which of course lead to Igor eventually choosing to ditch us.

An an observer of feline behaviour, I have to say that I find it a bit gross to observe them after they have answered nature’s call. Correct me if I am wrong – but surely they are giving their nether regions a good licking right after. Which is why I can’t understand why the cat lover will pick it up a short while later and nuzzle the cat, nose to nose. Gross, I say.

I know that keeping cats improves the mental health and wellbeing of their "masters" but I’ve tried in vain to point out that the US Centre for Disease Control lists more than 10 diseases they can spread, and that they should not be allowed on the dining tables. Once again I am constantly overruled on this.

I guess I have always preferred dogs who have a nature I can understand – hunting, guarding, loyalty. But the truth is that us human beings don’t become cat lovers based on logic. I’d venture that such decisions are based on a mixture of compassion, unfulfilled emotional needs and occasionally unrealistic perceptions – of the self or otherwise.

And let’s admit it, that’s really how most of us make all decisions – logic and facts, pros and cons – they really don’t count as much as a belly rub, do they?

---

MARTIN VENGADESAN is a Malaysiakini team member. - Mkini