THURSDAY JOKES - 118

 

There were 3 friends stranded on an island. Exploring the island, the 3 men found a bottle so they opened it. A genie came out and she said that she would grant them 3 wishes in total. The first man said, "I wish I was with my family" then poof he was with his family. The second guy said "I wish I was in a bar with my friends" then poof he was gone. The third guy was feeling bad and the genie asked, "What's wrong?" The man said, I'm lonely I wish my friends were here. Poof, his two friends were back in the island!

A husband and his wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.

The husband typed "MYWILLY."

The wife fell on the ground laughing because on screen there was an error message...

"Error. Not long enough!"

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.

An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey! How about it, babe ? You and me? 

As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money but I don't have an extra two dollars."

She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"

A superb and economical restaurant. 

Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms!

A Doctor sent a tweet to his patient saying:
‘I have your test results - you have venereal disease and need immediate treatment'
The patient tweets back:
‘Can I get a second opinion?'
The good doctor tweets:

‘Yes, your Twitter page is horrible too!'

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.
An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.
"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker!"

Q: Why was Adam a famous runner?

A: Because he was first in the human race!

 

While a man was dying, his wife was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

Her praying woke him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "I have something that I must confess," he said in a tired voice.
"There isn't anything to confess," replied his weeping wife. "Everything's ok. Go to sleep."

The man blurted out: "No, no, I must die in peace. I...I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!" 

"I know," whispered his wife, "that's why I poisoned you!"

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