The defence pleads ignorance, a popular move in Malaysia

 

A short video clip of a popular TV series went viral recently. I watched it and almost wept. You should, too, and would, too.

The video’s key protagonists are a Malaysian couple having a rough time upon arrival in Australia, and a female border control officer dishing out the rough treatment. The unnamed couple were caught with undeclared food items.

As is well known (or so one assumes), Australia has strict border controls meant to keep out pests and diseases that might harm their massively important agriculture industry.

How strict? I have friends who ship vehicles to Australia regularly. They actually steam-clean the trucks, especially the undersides, and leave no speck of dirt, no blade of grass, and certainly no food items remaining as they know how much trouble they can get into because of it.

Travellers are also warned about this before arrival in Australia, and have to sign forms to that effect. The couple in the video did sign such a form, presumably read it before signing, and presumably understood what they had read.

The man claimed to be a banker, and the wife a secretary. You’d have thought these types would be anal about forms and signatures. There’ve been many occasions where I wanted to tell such people to take their forms and shove them up where the sun doesn’t shine.

But I didn’t. We know that in Malaysia, bankers and secretaries are some of the most powerful people in our society. Without them, our entire political system would crumble.

In the video, when challenged by the border officer, the man did what any good Malaysian man would do under such circumstances: he blamed his wife!

He threw her under the bus, so to speak.

Given that the typical Malaysian man is king and prime minister of his family (meaning he has power even if he was never voted into that position) and can even “lightly” beat his wife, there’s no way this woman could have packed the bags without her husband’s knowledge.

Even if she did, throwing her under an Australian bus is a bit much. Their buses are sturdily built and not like the tin cans we have here, where being in one is even more dangerous than being under one.

I’m more inclined to believe this is just another example of Malaysians instinctively pointing fingers every which way but at their own selves when things go wrong.

When they can’t blame fate or unspecified “them”, or ghosts or spirits, they blame the fairer sex. Chivalry, apparently a colonialist mindset, and taking responsibility are certainly not part of the Malaysian male virtues.

Luckily the wife’s image was pixellated out and she wasn’t identified. Or perhaps unluckily so, as otherwise she could’ve been in contention for the Obedient Wife Of The Year Award.

When the man discovered the bus didn’t run over his wife, he switched to his second defence – ignorance. In his ignorance he admitted that he was ignorant, or perhaps just wilfully ignored the futility of the doomed “ignorance of the law” defence.

It stands to reason. Using the defence of ignorance or, in less legal language, cluelessness, is common in Malaysia. He’s perfectly entitled to avail himself to it.

That however didn’t faze the Australian border control officer. She waved his declaration form in his face, with some pointed words and a look of contempt that would have set tarmac on fire.

Our banker friend probably wished he could throw that officer under the bus instead. But that would breach Australia’s “Prohibition from Throwing Government Sheilas Under a Bus Act 1947”. That, plus the thought that she looked capable enough of throwing him under a bus herself.

It gets better. His third defence was surprise and incredulity that this was happening at all. He asked whether this was a special operation!

To be fair, in Malaysia, rules are only enforced during special operations. But even in such special operations, you can still talk your way in or out of anything you want if you’ve the air of “somebody important”.

But it seems such “air of importance” doesn’t travel well. It doesn’t cross borders and certainly has no effect in Australia (or even Singapore). Such places just suck in any such air of importance and spit it out along with the kitchen exhaust fumes.

Wisma Putra should quickly sign a bilateral “Mutual Recognition of Air of Importance” treaty with Australia (and Singapore), so the air carried by our Very Important People would be recognised there, and theirs here.

It’s a fact our jaguh kampung, or local heroes, of whom we have busloads (per kampung!), don’t travel well. Their air of importance disappears upon crossing the border and they rush to return to the warm comforts and rapturous welcome of home.

Perhaps that’s why when they travel, especially at the public’s expense, they take along their entire families, in-laws, cronies and hangers-on, just to cocoon themselves in some warm, nepotistic embrace of Malaysia’s important air.

Unlike Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, who made a whirlwind tour that got many alpha males hot under the collar. It was all business and being incredibly brave (or foolish): of course her being a woman, many are blaming her for the tensions created.

As for our banker friend, he was smart enough not to plead stupidity as a defence. I wouldn’t be surprised either if this show gets banned in Malaysia on the grounds it would tarnish the nation’s morale.

I certainly will support such a ban. My morale, already in tatters and on life support, won’t survive this level of brutal tarnishing.

What would be the reaction of the Malaysian authorities to this? Would they say – hey, you’re a big boy (and girl), you know the rules, you bear the consequences.

Or would they make a government-to-government representation and arrange a special rescue flight to evacuate this hapless Malaysian couple on the grounds of Keluarga Malaysia and protecting the national dignity?

Malaysians, please don’t be seduced by Australia’s claim to be part of Asia. Unlike Malaysia, which brands itself as Truly Asia, the things you get away with here – ignoring rules, throwing women under the bus – you won’t get away with in Australia.

Any Malaysian woman offended by the callous, misogynistic treatment of the wife by this man should become an enforcement officer in Australia. There, you won’t be cowed by whatever air of importance you face. There, rules are rules.

And there, you don’t even have to kiss the hands of a VIP, as this isn’t in any of Australia’s SOPs or KPIs. Here in Malaysia you have to do that, and also get shouted at by your superiors in public, which are common occurrences indeed.

Or perhaps Malaysian women should apply to become judges in Malaysia instead. Then they’ll be able to be as harsh and as nasty as they want and can whack silly stupid men who show, and hence deserve, no respect. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.