SATURDAY JOKES - 122

 

A Chinese woman went to a job interview to be a secretary. When the Manager saw the woman's colourful attire and gold and white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming inside his head "NOT THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still has to allocate time for this woman.

So, he asked the Chinese woman, "if you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will consider you as a candidate for the position. The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE AND BLACK."
The Chinese woman thought for a while and said, "I hear the phone GREEN,GREEN, GREEN. Then I go PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW. . . . BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number lah... Don't disturb PURPLE and don't call BLACK. OK!? Thank you."

The Manager fainted!

One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey of a building and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial , they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G. As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and really had no idea what does the letter G mean? Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G. When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wow, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian reply smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."

A mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son hasn't shown the slighted indication of getting married. So, one day she called her son to her house. The son came home from work, grudgingly.
Upon arriving, he found out that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose from, who could be his future bride.
The first one was a well-endowed telephonist-com-receptionist. he immediately rejected " Aiyaa... mother, when they answer telephone one, they always say.... HOLD ON, HOLD ON........."

The second nominee was a leggy secretary. This was rejected also "Aiyaa...mother, this one aaa..., when taking down shorthand notes from her boss, always say, .. SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN...."

By this time, the mother is nearing frustration. She called a sweet, but plain-looking teacher. The son suddenly agreed!! The mother was surprised... "Why this one? The previous two were a lot more better looking!" He replies " Teachers  aaa.... while teaching, always say to their pupils...REPEAT, REPEAT AGAIN...SOME MORE, SOME MORE...."

Her youngest son, who is 10 years old, was listening quietly all to this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted "Brader aaa.....female bus conductor more better laa....they always say, .. NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT... MASUK LAGI DALAM, BELAKANG KOSONG!!!"

There was a Chinese man from China and also another Chinese man but from Malaysia standing at a pond. The Chinese man from China was standing there and told the Chinese man from Malaysia, that if you skip a rock across the pond, it will tell you one of your greatest ancestors. 

So, the Chinese man from China skipped a rock across and the pond said, "Ching-Chang-Chee." The Chinese man from China said that it was his great uncle. 

So, the Chinese man from Malaysia said, "let me try." So, he skipped the rock and the pond said, "Chim-Pan-Zee". Hahahaha! Yee hoo!!! 

LONG AGO ... CHINESE, MALAY, INDIANS IN MALAYSIA ARE ALL BLACK IN COLOUR, DARK SKIN!
So, one day, GOD decided that he should put in some different colours to all the races. HE said, "People, there is a magic water in a swimming pool 100 meters ahead of you. In 20 seconds, the water will dry up. So run as fast as you can towards the swimming pool and use the magic water to wash your skin."
So, all the races sent out a representative; Chinese one person, Malay one person and Indian one person.
God said, "GO!" and all three of the representatives started racing towards the swimming pool.
The Chinese arrived in 10 seconds, so he started brushing his skin with the water. (There was still a lot of water)
The Malay arrived in 15 seconds, and he too started washing his skin. (Water is less, but still got 5 seconds before all water is dried)
The Indian arrived in 19 seconds and quickly jumped into the pool. (left a little bit of water)
So, at the 20th second, GOD took a look at all the three representatives.

The Chinese is fair because he had 10 seconds to wash his skin before the water dry up.

The Malay still quite fair because he only had 5 seconds to wash his skin.

The Indian landed in the swimming pool with ONLY his hands and feet touching the water so they are black everywhere except on their palms and feet.

THAT IS WHY TODAY, THE INDIANS NATURALLY RUN FREAKING FAST!!!

Heard about the new restaurant called Karma.

There's no menu: you get what you deserve!

Why don't calculus majors throw house parties?

Because you should never drink and derive!

There are three men; a Malay, an Indian and a Chinese. All three are working for a contractor. One day, the contractor got a new project of building a small guard house. he then instructs all three of them with different task.
Firstly, the Malay guy. He says "you, you are in charge of the foundation and the walls".
Then he told the Indian guy, "you, you are in charge of the roofing and the painting"
Finally, he told the Chinese guy, "you, you are in charge of the supplies of the various materials".
A month passed and only two guys were working on the project till it finished; the Malay and the Indian guys. When the contractor arrived to have a final look, both of them complained that they had to procure the materials themselves because the Chinese guy who was in charge of the supplies has been missing since the first day.

So, the contractor decided, it is ok, he won't pay the Chinese guy and went ahead inside the guardhouse to inspect.

When he opens the door, here comes the Chinese guy jumping from behind the door yelling "supppppliessssssss" (surprise!).
The contractor fainted!

Ali, Chandra and Boon are office mates.
When break time arrived, they all went to toilet and did some "business" before lunch..
At the stall, they ate rice with some "lauk"..
Before eating, Ali and Chandra went to wash their hands..
Boon waited at the table..
After the two guys came back to table, they all started to eat their food..
Then Boon speaks "Why you all don't use equipment for eating like fork, spoon, knife or chopsticks?"
Chandra said " I prefer using hand.. easy to eat.."
Ali agreed with Chandra's statement...
Then Boon said "aren't your hand dirty after doing some "business" in the toilet?? That's why we, Chinese are smarter.. we use equipment for eating.."
Then Ali said " If you all Chinese are smarter, why use the tissue to wipe your ass??..If you wash, it is better than to wipe it.. "

Three good friends; an Indian, a Chinese and a Malay were involved in an accident and died on the spot. All three of them went to heaven. Upon reaching the heaven, the three of them were on the waiting list to meet God. During this time, all the members of the three families decided to do a funeral together. The three bodies were peacefully placed in three coffins; next to each other. So, back in heaven; the three lads finally got their turn to meet God. But when God was about to register their names, he realised that the three of them were not supposed to die yet. God told them that they have at least 50 years more to live. Rejoiced, the three of them were ordered to be set free and send down to Earth. However, a greedy angel demanded RM 1,000 from each of them before he could set all three of them free...

Down on Earth, at the funeral, the Indian fellow woke up from the coffin. Everyone was shocked, of course. The Indian guy explained to everyone that God decides to let them live but they had to pay the angel the sum of RM 1,000 each. The Indian straight away paid the angel the lump sum cash of RM 1,000 without hesitation.

Everyone was puzzled. Why only the Indian was revived and sent back? Where are the Chinese and the Malay? The Indian explained "The Chinese will be coming down very soon. He is negotiating the price with the Angel. He won't pay unless the angel agrees to RM 800."

"The Malay?" "He is waiting for the Government to fund him!"

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