Interracial couples show what being Malaysian is all about

Guee Handayani Muhammad, Mohamad Yusoff Sultan Sahib and their son Muhammad Asad Mohamad Yusoff. The couple have known each other for six years. – The Malaysian Insider pic by Nazir Sufari, September 16, 2014.

Malaysia’s multicultural landscape has played a crucial part in shaping the food and festivals that locals and tourists have come to enjoy.

However, unlike these main attractions, a less talked-about side of Malaysia’s racial and religious diversity is the romantic relationships that cut across these lines.

This Malaysia day, we sat down with four couples who tell us about their experiences being in a cross-cultural relationship.

Mohamad Yusoff Sultan Sahib (40, publications officer) and Guee Handayani Muhammad (33, doctor)

“A lot of tolerance and patience goes into making an interracial relationship work,” said Yusoff, who has been married to Guee for four years.

They have a son who is amost 2 years old, and they intend to educate him about his rich heritage.

“Luckily, there haven’t been any huge ups and downs for us. We were born into interracial families so we are already accustomed to that lifestyle. It was our parents who went through a lot of trials and tribulations,” said Yusoff, who is of Indian and Chinese ethnicity.

His parents had to deal with external pressure from family members and this made their relationship all the more challenging.

Guee also witnessed her mother's struggles as a Javanese woman married to a Chinese man. Added to that stress was the fact that she had come to a foreign land, and the language barrier became a source of friction with the Chinese family she had married into.

Guee herself rejects the idea of being identified by one’s race.

“It was confusing and suffocating growing up not knowing who I was or where I belonged. I do not want to be seen as a race category on a form. It is only when I come home to my husband and child that I feel comfortable,” she added.

Things seem to be getting better in Malaysian society, according to Yusoff, as interracial relationships become common. But, he added, the country’s leadership needs to keep racist elements in check.

“Although people nowadays are more accepting, I’m concerned that the decline in Malaysia’s policies and administration may have taken us two steps back. While Islam teaches us that everyone is to be given equal treatment, I also hope for a sincere leader and that the process of time will eliminate bigoted sentiments,” said Yusoff.

Sheryl Ho Su Lynn (28, public relations agent) and Iskandar Mohd Hishamuddin Hamzah (29, economics teacher)

Iskandar Mohd Hishamuddin Hamzah and Sheryl Ho Su Lyn have been together for four years. – The Malaysian Insider pic by Nazir Sufari, September 16, 2014.

Sheryl and Hisham were co-workers in a private school when they first met, each working in a different department. They started bonding over a weekly meeting where certain staff members gathered to do test runs on board games for students.

“When people look at us, they see a million reasons why we would not make it,” said Hisham.

“We’re from two different worlds – I’m Malay from Kuala Lumpur who went to a private school and studied overseas, whereas she is a Chinese from the outskirts of KL who studied locally up until university. I’m very passionate about sports, whereas she is an artistic person with a flair for dance and singing. However, we were determined to make this work,” he said.

Sheryl, who describes herself as a devout Christian, said she was willing to take any challenges head on, including dealing with an ultimatum from a close friend.

“She told me it’s either I leave the church or I leave him. However I wasn’t prepared to lose him over something like that, even though we were only in the first week of our relationship at that point,” she said, adding that this was one of the toughest episodes she had faced.

Hisham said he wouldn’t have blamed Sheryl if she had chosen to break up with him.

“I don’t expect her to decide between church life and a one-week-old boyfriend. But in the end, we chose to stick it out with each other,” said Hisham, adding that love, not religion, was the reason they got together.

Being in an interracial relationship has broken down walls of racial stereotypes for both of them.

“I’ve learned a lot about Islam since I got to know him, which makes me appreciate religion so much more. But I did it for myself, not for the sake of the relationship. He’s never forced it upon me because it’s our understanding that I should do it on my own accord,” said Sheryl.

Now, Sheryl’s family has come to terms with her decision and is even looking forward to their marriage.

Ria Proehoeman (21, marketing student) and Reynolds Too Shi Ming (24, behaviour psychologist)

Ria Proehoeman and Reynolds Too Shi Ming have been together for two years. – The Malaysian Insider pic by Nazir Sufari, September 16, 2014.

Reynolds was looking online for quotes by Japanese author Haruki Murakami’s when he stumbled upon Ria’s blog.

“I messaged her straight away for a meet up. And when I laid eyes upon her, I was struck by how beautiful she was with her big round eyes and porcelain complexion,” said Reynolds.

For the first six months of their courtship, they kept their relationship a secret. It also wasn’t easy for Reynolds to break the news to his Christian family.

Ria, who is of Indonesian and Chinese heritage, admitted that Reynolds found their relationship more challenging than her.

“My siblings married people of another race too so there are no objections on my side; in fact we actually encourage it. However, Reynolds does bear most of the heat as he is of a non-Muslim background,” she said.

“I was fearful that I could no longer date her if my parents objected to it. It took a lot of persuasion but as they got to know her better, they have accepted that she is my choice. Now, they treat Ria like their own daughter,” said Reynolds.

He has also had to face people who questioned his decision to date Ria as it could mean converting out of his faith.

That detail does not bother Reynolds, who believes that every Malaysian should be allowed to choose their faith, since faith is a personal matter.

“Conservative mindsets still exist to generalise a certain culture and that is sadly very rampant. Faith plays such a huge role with Malaysians but we should recognise the importance of having greater freedom to choose, and that understanding is what I think is most lacking in this country,” he told The Malaysian Insider.

Nathalie Annette Kee Xuan Li (19, law student) and Arvinder Singh (25, software engineer)

Arvinder Singh and Nathalie Annette Kee Xuan Li have been together for two years. – The Malaysian Insider pic by Nazir Sufari, September 16, 2014.

“Our age gap was actually a bigger issue rather than the fact that we’re interracial because we are six years apart,” said Arvinder, who described Nathalie as the “cutest thing he has ever seen” as he recounted the first time they met.

The couple met through a mutual friend and share the same enthusiasm for politics, social movements and popular science.

“We do get stares in public because of our jarring appearance as a couple – I’m Chinese and he’s a Punjabi who dons a Turban,” said Nathalie.

However, she doesn’t see a Punjabi when she looks at Arvinder. Instead, she chooses to see an individual with a complex personality, dynamic characteristics and who has the same sense of humour as her.

“He is not a race label so nothing on the outside matters anymore – besides the fact that he is good-looking, of course,” she chuckled.

Arvinder said they were able to discuss their differences and race should not determine actions and choices. “Race is just something we are born into, so why should we be judged on that?”

“When faced with differences, we talk it out. And that’s what we would like the whole country to be doing,” said Arvinder.

However, he feels that an increasingly prevalent racial and religious supremacy has taken a toll on Malaysians, and has caused people to become less tolerant.

“It’s always an ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality, but that thinking has to change to include ‘we’ into the picture,” Arvinder told The Malaysian Insider.

- TMI