THURSDAY JOKES - 42

 

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, "Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them."

An 87-year-old man is celebrating his birthday with all the members of his family at the Old Folks Home when in walks a Kissogram Lady. She walks sexily up to the old guy and announces that she is going to give him super sex.
The old man looks shocked, but replies " Would you mind if I only had the soup"!!

Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Adam into his office.
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Adam, "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, its natural causes. 

Even if you get hit by a truck, its natural causes. 

Cause if you were younger, you would have got out of the way.

A guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool when the manager told him quite bluntly to get out. When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you peed in the pool."
"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."
"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board."

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money."

I bought a driverless car, but it drove itself off a cliff. 

Now the insurance company is looking for the driver to file for the total loss claim.

A Canadian tourist is fascinated by the Native American way of life and culture, so he decides to visit a reservation in the United States to find out more.
After a long and dusty drive through the Arizona desert, he finally arrives at the reservation.
Soon after his arrival, the tourist meets an old chief, who claims to remember everything that ever happened in his life.
The tourist is curious and asks the chief: “What did you have for breakfast on your fifth birthday? "Without hesitation, the chief replies: “eggs”.
The tourist was very impressed by this, and he never forgot the chief’s words, even after his visit had long since ended.
Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again.
He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with “how”.
“Scrambled,” the old chief replied.

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