SATURDAY JOKES - 77

 

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections - so much so that they communicate about everything in political language.
One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature."
The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."
The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.
After some time, the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature. "
The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood as an independent and lost his deposit!"

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows!

A blonde girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker.
"10" replies the blonde girl.
"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Nah..." says the blonde girl "it's great because if they are out playing in the street, I just have to shout WAYNE, YES DINNER'S READY or WAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames!"

 

What happens when a cougar loses their hearing?
They become a Def Leppard!

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...
It creates a hostile work environment!

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both looked out their windows and saw Rubble!

There were three little boys visiting their grandparents.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpa?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now."
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog?"
Grandpa again says, "No, not now. I don't really want to do that. I'm in a grumpy mood. Maybe later."
Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please...Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"
"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa asked.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak, we get to go to Disney World!"

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