TUESDAY JOKES - 204

 

Bukit Parapat, Semporna, Sabah, Malaysia.

A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I’m sorry, but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same question. 

The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. 

By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it!"

 

 Patient: "Doctor! There's a fly in the ointment!"

Doctor: "Yes, I know, he's recovering from a nasty soup-burn!"

The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals.
"I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is.
First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees."
The children looked at her blank.
"I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns."
No response. This wasn't going well at all!
Finally, a kid volunteered:
"Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus....but its sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

 

Most men are like bank accounts...

When they don't have a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!

 

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.

After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.

The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. 

In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me!"

 

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing!

 

A little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you, Grandma. Now maybe Daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that, my dear?" she asked.

The little boy replied, "I heard Daddy tell Mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again!"

 

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. 

St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn’t really need all the foul odour this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” But the trash man had seen the movie, too, and he answered, “about 1,500.”
“That’s right! You may enter,” said Peter.
Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them all!”

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