THURSDAY JOKES - 210

 

Irama Beach, Bachok, Kelantan, Malaysia.

There is a skeleton in our neighbourhood who always knows that something bad might happen way before it actually happens. 

He has actually become quite famous and when a TV crew interviewed about the reason behind this ability, the skeleton finally disclosed his secret: he could feel the bad vibes in his bones!

 

I am glad that I wished on that shooting star so long ago because it gave me you, the lady of my dreams! 

 

A man was telling his neighbour, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me ten thousand ringgit, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty!"

On that fateful day, Davy Crockett woke up and walked from his bunk on the floor of the Alamo up to the observation post on the west wall.
William B. Travis and Jim Bowie were up there already. The three gazed at the hordes of Mexicans moving steadily towards them.

Davy turned to Jim with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Jim, are we landscaping today?"

 

I thought my heart was made of stone. 

But I never knew your beauty could melt a stone like a wax. 

Please save my melting heart! 

 

Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio."
"Why that's right!" said the second man in surprise.
"And I'll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old."
"Right again. But how did you....."
"And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman."
"Well, yes, but how did you know?" asked the second man in amazement.

"Well, old Doc always cut them at a sixty-degree angle," explained the first guy, "and you're pissing on my shoe!"

 

There is nothing I want more right now than to see your smile. 

I cannot stop thinking about how amazing a woman you are! 

 

My friend and I were golfing one day when at the 18th hole this guy comes out of nowhere and asks if he could join us. I told him, "well, we're just about done but if you want to join us tomorrow you can. We start at 8 o'clock."

He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:05..."

So next day he shows up at 8 o'clock and plays scratch golf; he was good. 

We were going to play again the next day and we invited him to join us. He said, "Great! I'll be here at 8 o'clock, maybe 8:05..."

So, the next day he shows up at 8 o'clock, plays with his opposite hand, and shoots under par! I'm a bit amazed at this guy so I ask him, "You're a pretty good golfer, beating us with scratch golf and then showing off by playing just as good with your opposite hand. Just what is your secret?"
He said, "Well...when I wake up in the morning and my wife is lying on her left side, I play left-handed. Or when I wake up in the morning and my wife is laying on her right side, I play right-handed."
So, I ask, "what if she is laying on her back?"
"That's when I get here at 8:05!"

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.