SATURDAY JOKES - 111

 

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to Los Angeles.  When the American turned to the Japanese, he asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you .... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'kee' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of 'key' am I?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

 

MORAL OF THE STORY: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE!

Q: Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand? 

A: A palm tree!

Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.

"I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 200 million ringgit and would like to have someone to share it with." 

The woman went home with Charles and the next day she became his stepmother.

Men will never learn!

Q: How does the ocean say hi? 

A: It waves!

Three guys are sitting in a sauna: a Mexican, an Asian, and a white guy. The Mexican and white guy are showing off their new tech gadgets. The white guy says, "Hey, look what I got: the new Google Glass!" The Mexican and the Asian say, "Wow, that's nice, man." Then the Mexican guy says, "Check out my new cellphone; it's a watch!" The white guy and the Asian say, "Very cool, dude." The Asian guy has nothing to show these guys, so he gets up and walks away naked to the bathroom. Then he comes back 5 minutes later from the bathroom still naked with paper hanging out of his butt crack. The Mexican and the white guy say, "Hey, you have something hanging out of your ass." 

The Asian guy says, "Oh look, I'm receiving a fax!"

 

Where did the music teacher leave her keys? 

In the piano!

 

Why do birds fly south in the winter? 

It’s faster than walking!

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.
"I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first." The farmer thinks for a while.
"I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?" The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer.
"I don''t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?"
The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist.

"I don't know!"

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