SUNDAY JOKES - 110

 

Three football teams (Arsenal, Liverpool, and Hartsfield) are flying from England across Egypt for a match in the Middle East. Their plane crashes in the desert and they survive. After days of wandering, they are really hungry so when they come across a camel, the footballers decide to kill it and eat it. The Liverpool team says, "Because we play for Liverpool, will we eat the liver." The Hartsfield players decide, "Because we play for Hartsfield, we will eat the heart." Arsenal says, "I think we might go hungry..."

Your butt is nice but it would be nicer if it was on my lap!

 Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" 

The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." 

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks' vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" 

The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" 

The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Q: Why were there balloons in the bathroom?
A: There was a birthday potty!

 

“Babe, is it in?” “Yea.” “Does it hurt?” “Uh huh.” “Let me put it in slowly.” “It still hurts.” “Okay, let’s try another shoe size!"

Q: What is the meaning of a true friend?

A: One who remembers your birthday but not your age!

Two elderly sisters donated RM 50 to a charity and to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so. "I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!" They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that ended up in a scoreless first half. They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister. "I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in!"

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