THURSDAY JOKES - 334

Lata Meraung Waterfalls, Jerantut, Pahang, Malaysia

A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell.
Yes, says the receptionist irritably.
Excuse me, says the woman, but I’m in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?

The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down. Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all!

Is your name winter?

Because you’ll be coming soon!

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said “low bridge ahead.”
Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a “Truck Wedgie.”
Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, “Got stuck, huh?”

The gutsy truck driver said, “No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!”

Husband throwing darts at his wife’s photo and not even a single throw hitting the target.
From another room the wife calls, “Honey, what are you doing?”

Husband: “MISSING YOU…”

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid fool!

 

Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
Bystander: It’s a girl. She is my daughter.
Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.
Bystander: I’m not. I’m her mother!

 

A man and his wife were in a fancy restaurant. While ordering, they noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and after looking around, they observed the other waiters and busboys each had a similar spoon. So, the husband says, “what’s with the spoon?”
The waiter said, “well, we had this company come in and evaluate our time management and they found that people drop their spoon 74.8% more often than any other utensil. So, if we carry one with us, we can reduce the trips back to the kitchen by three hours per shift.
The husband was impressed. Sure enough, he dropped his spoon during dinner and the waiter replaced it with his, stating, “I’ll just get another when I go to the kitchen for something else”. While ordering dessert, the husband noted that the waiter had a very thin string hanging from the fly of his pants, as did the other waiters, so the husband asks, ” hey, there’s a string on your pants”. The waiter tells him, ” not all my customers are as observant as you… the same company found that we can reduce the amount of time spent in the bathroom by two hours each shift if we tie a string around the end of you-know-what, and when we have to go, we just unzip and pull it out with the string completely eliminating the need to wash up and saving time.” The husband was impressed, but asked, ” it’s a good idea but how do you get it back in your pants?”.

The waiter leaned close and whispered, ” well I don’t know about the rest of them, but personally I use the spoon!”

He was 80, she was 20. It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year of marriage, she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”
He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”
The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You are truly amazing. How do you do it?”
Again, he said, “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.”
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse then said, “Well, well, well, you certainly are quite a man!”
He responded, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.”

The nurse then said: “Well, you better change the oil. This one’s black!”

Stepping up to the counter at the fast-food restaurant, I asked for a baked potato with butter on the side.

With the gusto of someone newly employed, the teenager taking my order asked, “Which side?”

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car’s tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, “What are you doing?”

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, …”HELLLLO” “You need to roll up the windows!”

 

I lost my virginity!

Can I have yours?

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