What not to do in Malaysia…

Never question Putrajaya, remember the government is always right. – The Malaysian Insider file pic, September 28, 2014.

Now that we know that it is a chargeable offence to refer to a cop as a monkey in a Facebook post or Twitter feed, here is a list of other out-of-bound markers for Malaysians and visitors to Malaysia, Truly Seditious.

* Never vent your anger on any social media platform against a policeman who stops you and then proceeds to ask for RM to let you off for speeding.

Why? Because it is a bigger offence to call a uniformed officer an inappropriate name than it is to burst a spleen talking about corruption.

So remember, refer to cops as Boss, Tuan, even Datuk.

* Never ever say that crime is on the rise and that the country is not as safe as it once was.

This comment puts the country in bad light and everyone from the Home Minister downwards will take offence and interpret that opinion as an attempt to bring down the government.

When your house is robbed just say it was an isolated incident. And blame it on the foreigners.

When your neighbour is a victim of snatch theft, just say it was another isolated incident. Semua ok, Boss.

* Never bleat about examination questions being leaked or even suggest that this regular happening is the result of malfeasance or a clear symptom of the breaking down of the system.

Once again, any adverse comment can be taken as an attempt to bring down the government or make the minister look incompetent – both serious offences in "democratic" Malaysia.

Just think of the leaks as a unique way of levelling the playing field.

* Whatever you say or do, do not mock Malaysia's "moderate" credentials.

We are moderately democratic, moderately tolerant of each other, moderately enlightened about the notion that public servants serve the public, moderately familiar with the concept of separation of power and judicial independence.

So when Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Razak says that Malaysia is a moderate country, do not sneer.

* Never give your opinion on anything even if you are an expert, especially if it makes people think or is contrary to the national narrative.

Only the government of the day has a monopoly on facts, opinions or viewpoints, even if it might appear illogical or counter-intuitive. Let those in power guide your views.

Anything else can be considered seditious, even if you said it years ago and nobody paid attention until the police call you in one day and say it is seditious and you will be prosecuted.

* Don't question the government. Remember, the government is always right. It can tell you one thing and do the reverse but it is still right. Don't question the government.

The authorities might promise you one thing but it can change its mind because it has yet to get input from the select view who matter. In short, you don't matter until it is election time.

* Don't scold the government for what you think is excessive spending on their part.

Always be grateful that they take your tax dollars and state revenue and spend it on you, even if it costs more than budgeted and you don't need it.

Know that there are a number of private highways planned for you because the government needs money for research and development for the now-privatised national car that you will buy and use on the highways.

And if you don't buy cars, there is public transport for you, including a rail network that goes from an area without any housing to another area where all roads are privatised.

The government cares for you. Always remember that. So stop thinking, just follow them and all will be well. One day. Perhaps. If not, there is always another plan.

Malaysia Boleh!

- TMI