Dear God…

Will my children get to know You as the God I described You to be or will they see only fear since mortal men will feed them nothing but fear?

COMMENT

Dear God,

I first met You when I was five. Dad placed a white cloth over my head, brought my open palms placed side by side and taught me to talk to You. He said every time I wanted to call You, I had to recite ‘Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim” – In The Name of God, the Compassionate and the Merciful.

From then onwards, whatever I chose to do, I started it with Your name. It gave me a sense of attachment. A sense of belonging.

I grew up knowing You were always around, watching over me. And You were always reachable – at any time or place. Such was the bond I had with You, my One and Only.

When I was fearful, You whispered words of courage into my soul. When I doubted myself, You reminded me of my strength. When I became too proud, You gave me a gentle knock as a reminder to keep me grounded. O God, Your love has shaped me into the human I am today.

Growing up in this shell I wear today, there have been lots of bumps and twists along the way. I have lied. I have stolen. I have hurt other beings. I have consumed the things you told me to stay away from. I have broken your laws. O God, there are so many things which I am guilty of.

But every time I come to my senses, You have always been there for me with such compassion and mercy. You have taught me that making mistakes is a norm for me. After all, You did create me as a creature who often falls for earthly desires and lusts.

You said it is the mistakes I make which brings me closer to You. With taubah and sincerity, You embraced me with Your godly love.

Stepping away from my wrong junctures, You give me second chances. I believe the laws You sent down were to turn me into a better person. After all, the laws You imposed on me were a test of my faith towards You, O Mighty One.

It is so true, dear God – for every mistake and wrongdoing, I have repented in my past, and gotten closer to You. With You watching over me, my clumsy and imperfect life has been so blessed.

But lately there have been some men trying to rob me of the peaceful life You granted me, my dear God. They claim to be Your helpers, Your enforcers.

They tell me they needed to interpret Your holy book of guidance. They warn me of serious repercussions if I ever stumble and fall onto the wrong path. They threaten to hurt me if I fail to adhere to the laws they claim to enforce on Your behalf. And they say I will be a traitor, despised by You if ever I reject them.

O God, I am so confused. Who are these men claiming to be enforcing Your laws, my God? You created us as human beings who are prone to committing sins. Why then would the same human beings be chosen to enforce Your laws?

Are You not going to embrace me with Your love and open the door of taubah anymore?

I have always loved You, dear God. And I know deep inside my heart that You love me too. You have guided me through whatever mistakes I have made in my past and I believe You will continue to guide me through my future. But why then are these men coming in between You and I?

We have an exclusive relationship, God. I have always thought there will be no one between us, that no one mattered – I am only answerable to YOU and YOU are the only one who has the right to question me.

How I wish I could tell those men to stay away from me and my God.

O God, I am afraid. I am afraid for my children and my future generation. Will they not have the opportunity to feel Your embrace and guidance since there are these strange men who claim to represent You?

My children are young. Like me, they will stumble and make mistakes in life. Will You not love them and help them repent for their wrongdoings to become better persons? Are you closing Your door on taubah? Are You going to allow these men to hurt my children if they succumb to their imperfections?

I am confused, O Compassionate and Merciful God.

Will my children get to know You as the God I described You to be? Will they love You as I have loved You for almost my entire life? Or will they see You with fear since those men will feed them nothing but fear?

It is hard for me to fathom what is taking place right now. I can’t think straight. Everything I grew up believing is on the verge of ruin.

With a cloth over my head and both my open palms placed side by side, my lips mumble “Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim”.

In The Name of God, the Compassionate and the Merciful. Please give me clarity and lead me to the right path.

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.