Mudlaysia, Mucklaysia, Merdelaysia

I must confess to loving coining puns on the word ‘Malaysia’, as I know how much it upsets those legions of hypocrites who don’t seem to mind Umno/BN’s having spent six decades so comprehensively ‘corrupting’ the country as to make its name mud, muck or merde in the global community, but are driven to frenzies of fury by my merely corrupting its spelling.

So if you’re one of those people so deranged as to delude yourself that Malaysia has any dignity to stand on, or deserves any shred of respect from me or anyone else after so many dreary decades of dreadful misrule by the ‘criminal’ Umno/BN regime, I suggest you go read something else.

Or, better still, deal with your shame and shaky self-esteem by attacking not me, the messenger, but the agents of Malaysia’s disgrace, the misleaders, members, accomplices and supporters of the misruling regime.

One of whose senior members and literally as well as figuratively ugly faces, Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansor, earlier this week had the unspeakable arrogance to claim that “Umno doesn’t practice corruption”.

Responding to a televised warning by Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) chief commissioner Dzulkifli Ahmad that the MACC “has corrupt politicians in its crosshairs”, Tengku Adnan was quoted as saying that “well... the warning, to me, is a warning. It is quite good for us all to be careful, to be aware.’

“But we don’t practice corrupt practices so please don’t practice corrupt practices,” he continued, clearly with his tongue planted firmly in his lumpy cheek as he played his part in his hopelessly ‘corrupt’ regime’s latest laughable attempt to portray itself as clean.

Of course a great many and indeed possibly the majority of Malaysians are perfectly well aware that the MACC’s latest alleged anti-corruption drive is yet another regime attempt to fool the ignorant.

As lots of far-from ignorant Malaysiakini readers scornfully commented, the Umno party itself, and by extension the Umno/BN regime it dominates, has no further need to ‘practice’ corruption, having perfected it years ago.

Perfected the practice of corruption not only in and for themselves both individually and collectively, but also perfected the art of perpetuating their perfectly corrupt system by riddling so much of the rest of Malaysia with the rot of corruption, and in the process so euphemising and otherwise ‘normalising’ it, that even the most cynical of citizens would surely be astonished at its degree and extent.

For example, it seems to me that most of us observers of Umno/BN’s expertly-perfected system of corruption tend to see it as exemplified by the countless massive financial frauds, scams, embezzlements and outright thefts that have characterised the regime’s seemingly endless misleading of Malaysia.

Large-scale larcenies

But actually these large-scale larcenies are just the tip of the iceberg (or, as I’ve suggested before, heistberg), because they overshadow and distract our attention from the continual, day-by-day, hour-by-hour squandering and alleged stealing of public funds in every department of government, at every level, as at least partially revealed by the auditor-general in the totally-ignored report he makes every year.

Then there is the massive corruption that’s absolutely intrinsic to Umno and indeed all the component parties of Barisan Nasional.

While commonly minimised or mitigated by the culprits as ‘money politics’, this is nothing more or less than the blatant purchase of party positions and other posts for cash, with the result that money trumps merit at every level of so-called government, or rather grubernment.

And every level of government/grubernment, and every one of the so-called civil services, and indeed most of Malaysia’s civil, social and religious institutions are also seemingly corrupt.

Or, in other words, according to the definition provided by my Oxford Dictionary ‘willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain’.

Thus, all the so-called ‘journalists’ and all the managers and members of staff of the regime-complicit ‘mainstream’ ‘news’ media are, as evidenced by their willingness to dishonestly hide or manipulate the ‘truth’ about the regime in return for their salaries or positions, are corrupt.

As are seemingly the members and management of the MACC, in their all-too-obvious willingness to act dishonestly by allegedly selectively ‘investigating’ minor-league corruption suspects in a bid to make the prime minister and his perfectly corrupt henchpersons appear honest in their pretence to be against the very corruption that they themselves thrive on.

And the same goes for all the other arms, or, more accurately harms, of the perfectly corrupt Umno/BN monster, from an electoral commission that is apparently willing to dishonestly draw electoral boundaries, and dishonestly conduct polls, in return for salaries or positions; to a police force (ie farce) and other apparatchiks, far too many of whose big-wigs and rank-and-file are willing, indeed in some cases eager, to dishonestly skew the institutions of law and order in the perfectly corrupt regime’s favour in return for enough pay, perks or other opportunities to survive if not thrive on.

In short, given the perfectly spectacular levels of corruption that the Umno/BN regime has managed to achieve with decades of dedicated practice, and all the people they have perfectly corrupted into Mudlaysians, Mucklaysians and Merdelaysians in the process, it’s a miracle to me that there are any true Malaysians left.

But there are, and let’s hope for a future Malaysia’s sake that they’re well and truly in the majority, and united in their determination to rescue the country they love from the perfectly corrupt Umno/BN regime when the current perfectly corrupt current prime minister decides to hold the next perfectly corrupt general election.

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DEAN JOHNS, after many years in Asia, currently lives with his Malaysian-born wife and daughter in Sydney, where he coaches and mentors writers and authors and practises as a writing therapist. Published books of his columns for Malaysiakini include ‘Mad about Malaysia', ‘Even Madder about Malaysia', ‘Missing Malaysia', ‘1Malaysia.con’ and ‘Malaysia Mania’.- Mkini