GRIEF AND LOSS

Most people experience grief when they lose something or someone important to them. If these feelings are affecting your life, there are things you can try and do that may help.

Symptoms of grief and loss

Grief and loss can cause many different symptoms and they affect people in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to feel.

There are many types of losses such as the end of a relationship or losing a job or a home.

Some of the most common symptoms include:

• shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about "being in a daze"
• overwhelming sadness, with lots of crying
• tiredness or exhaustion
• anger – towards the person you have lost or the reason for your loss
• guilt – for example, guilt about feeling angry, about something you said or did not say

These feelings may not be there all the time and powerful adverse feelings may appear unexpectedly.

It is not always easy to recognize when grief or loss are the reason for you are act or feel negatively.

Stages of grief or loss

Experts generally accept that we go through 4 stages of grief or loss:

1. Accepting that your loss is real
2. Experiencing the pain of grief
3. Adjusting to life without the person or thing you have lost
4. Putting less emotional energy into grieving and putting it into something new

Most people go through all these stages, but you will not necessarily move smoothly from one to the next.
Your grief might feel chaotic and out of control, but these feelings will eventually become less intense over time.

Things you can try to help with grief and loss

Do

• try talking about your feelings to a friend, family member, your counselor or doctor
• try simple lifestyle changes to help you feel more in control and able to cope
• try to get involved in work or some other activity which you enjoy that can keep you focused and offer a welcome distraction from your grief
• try to have a little fun. The truth is, laughter is the best medicine. A great way to have some genuine fun is to surround yourself with children or animals.
• try to keep the faith. Faith is not the absence of grief but the willingness to go on when grief is present. Keep the faith that you will one day heal and be whole again.
• try to sleep better if you are struggling to sleep. Refer to a previous article titled " Sleep Well " for some tips.
• consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help each other.

Don't

• do not try to do everything at once – set small targets that you can easily achieve
• do not focus on the things you cannot change – focus your time and energy into helping yourself feel better
• try not to tell yourself that you are alone – most people feel grief after a loss and support is available
• try not to use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve grief – these can all contribute to poor mental health

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