SUNDAY JOKES - 86

A girl was given a tea set for her second birthday. It became one of her favourite toys, and when her mother went away for a few weeks to care for her sick aunt, the toddler loved to take her father a little cup of tea, which was just water really, while he was engrossed watching the news on TV. He sipped each "cup of tea" he was brought and lavished generous praise on the taste, leaving the little girl immensely proud.
Eventually, the mother returned home and the father couldn't wait to show her how his little princess had been looking after him. 

On cue, the girl took him his "cup of tea" and he sipped it before praising it to the heavens.
The mother watched him drink it and said: "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?

Prime mates!

A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."
She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
And he says, "Ma'am if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools!

A religious farmer spent the day in the city.
At a restaurant for his noon meal, he sat near a group of young men.
After he bowed his head to give thanks for his food, one of the young men thought he would embarrass the old gentleman. "Hey, farmer, does everyone do that out where you live?"
The old man calmly replied, "No, son, the buffaloes don't!"

A man says to God: "God, why did you make a woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you!"



"You should meet my husband. He makes a living with his pen."
"Oh, so he's a writer?"
"No, he raises animals."

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.
"Tch, Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."
So, the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishing, sir."
"Fishing, eh. Well, how would you like to come and have a drink with me?"
The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" 

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