THURSDAY JOKES - 98

 

Fresh out of accountancy school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things" the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see" the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at ten thousand ringgit a month."
"Ten thousand ringgit!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That" the owner said, "is your first worry!"

 

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him!

I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school.
I didn't want to go because I've put on maybe 150 or 160 pounds since then!

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it!
He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're going to eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary said, "I just urinated into the soup!"

Zoo Keeper: "I've lost one of my elephants."
Other Zoo Keeper: "Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper?"
Zoo Keeper: "Don't be silly, he can't read!"

 

Patient: Doctor, I have a little man in my head and he's cursing all the time!
Doctor: Well, this problem is really easy to fix! It will cost you RM 1,000.
Patient: Doctor, do you know what the little guy just said?

Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?

Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

A man and his wife were having some problems and were giving each other the silent treatment. 

The following week, the man realized that he'd need his wife to wake him at 5 am. for an early flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper: "Please wake me at 5 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 am and he'd missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and scream at his wife when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed that said: "It's 5 am. Wake up!"

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