TUESDAY JOKES - 113

 

A woman stopped at a historic old hotel and asked the desk clerk for the room rates. “A room on the first floor is three hundred and fifty ringgit; on the second floor, three hundred and forty ringgit, and on the third floor, three hundred and thirty ringgit.” 

The woman turned to leave. “Don’t you like the accommodation?” asked the clerk.

“Oh, yes, it’s great,” replied the woman. “It just isn’t tall enough!”

A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. 

"Are you looking to hire any help?" she asked.

"No," he replied. "We already have all the employees we need."

"Great, then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?" she snapped.

A little child in a church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.

When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me, Daddy, I'm under five!"

A tired traveller decided to find a hotel for the night. 

He stumbled to the front desk and said to the clerk, “Pardon me, I’m exhausted, I’ve been driving for fourteen hours, I’m hungry and I have a headache. 

Can you just tell me what room I’m in?”

“Certainly, sir,” the helpful clerk replied. “You are in the lobby!”

Mary: My daughter believes in preventive medicine, doctor.

Doctor: Oh, really?

Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the United States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off away from the local women. 

The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door. 

"Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your loving so much!" 

The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time, lover. 

First, let's hear you play that harmonica!"

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.

"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge!

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. 

Exercising the brain is as important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! 

Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," why the heck are you still reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. It's twenty years ago and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash-landing procedure. Unfortunately, the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?

Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on . In Swansea , three people get off and five people get on. In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now pass this along to all your friends and pray they do better than you!

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!!

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.