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Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Tolong, Anak Saudara Saya Mengandungkan Awek Dia Yang Berumur 16 Tahun, Nak Buat Macam Mana Ni?

"Salam Syed. My nephew (17 years old) dah mengandungkan girlfriend dia. I guess dia dah takut the girl tak datang period. She is 16 years old now. What should we do?"

I didn't respond. Was busy.

A day later...
"Alhamdulillah. She just got her menses."

This is not the end of things. Now how do I say this to them?

I asked about the girl whether does the girl's family knows about it?

"No, we don't think so"

I guess it's not really settle then, right?
"Yes, My nephew dah kena rotan and everything. And our family told him to stop seeing the girl"

At that moment i asked nicely if i can call her.

The nephew is from a broken family, the father left when he was young. He is a bit of a black sheep in the family. 

The boy confide to his uncle via message asking for help and his wife contact me. But before i said anything, his other uncle found out through the boy's phone and they had a family meeting. The uncle whom the boy trusted didn't say anything that he knew about it.

The boy got some caning by his religious uncle and a warning not to see the girl.

My view which I shared with the aunt.

First: I explain to them I understand that the caning probably done with love as the repercussions of statutory rape is high in the eyes of the law.
But it is not enough.



Gambar Sekadar Hiasan
Why?

1. As a troubled child, opening up is difficult because he have to know who he trust. The bond is the conduit to reach him and help him. Safe space.

2. He trusted someone because he needed help. Now he knows that by opening up he will be punished. He will never share again if he doesn't understand what or why. Do not assume. He is already have a hard childhood life, have we ever thought of dealing with the issue first...long time ago? Yes/No?

3. He is forbidden from seeing the girl. That means with lack of understanding and knowledge still he can see other girls and she will see other boys. Same cycle can happen again.

4. I asked the uncle that he confide with to call the boy AND the girl to go out together for a chat. Create the safe space.

5. Please prepare your mind that this is about two troubled teens and not about YOU. To understand and have an open mind about them. That is to accept the fact that "puppy love", "cinta monyet" exist. You need to engage with them so that they will open up. Do not start with hukum and judgement and neraka topic and such. Once they tune out, you will never get that chance again. In this case is "suka sama suka" and like it or not, it is wrong and considered statutory rape as she is a minor when it happens. The boy will be punished. Where is love now? Not relevant. 

6. At the safe space, need to understand that we are there to educate them so that they will not make the mistake. Saying "No" alone is not enough. If you do not give them the right and appropriate knowledge about sex, repercussions and responsibilities from you, they will get it from somewhere else. Somewhere that you do not know is providing proper advice or not. 

 
This is why I keep pushing for Safe Sex Education. 

Safe Sex Education does not mean to have sex. It means to understand and being responsible on the decision about sex. Talk about the legality and if they are drowned in love, the cost of having a baby. Make it relax and hip is possible. Abstinence due to understanding and not because "Nanti family marah", "Nanti family malu".
To reach the understanding of religion point of view, can be done, but look at the situation. 

The thing is, both child needs to be saved. Both child need to know and understand. 

This case is a bit complicated because it comes from the boys side. Our laws do not acknowledge this yuppie kind of love. How can I suggest to do a police report? Will only subject him. Again,just punishment. 

Now, if it were the girl- it would be a different case and managed it differently. Straight making a report.

Both are still a child.
It can be your child.
Educate and educate them well with love.

I may not be an expert and you may not agree with me on this. But how can you punish someone without educating them first?

My name is Syed Azmi. I love my country and people. It's not too late to start and help.

1 comment:

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