X'MAS JOKES

 

Santa Claus who was at the shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap.  Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly. 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What would you like me to bring for her?' Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'

How do you know when Santa’s around? 

You can always sense his presents.

Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Christmas.' A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christmas morning, we became aware that he was looking quite down in the mouth for no obvious reason. 'What's the matter, Al?'  I asked. 'Ummmm, 'replied Alex slowly, 'I really hoped that you and Mummy would give me something for Christmas.'

Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? 

Because the presents beneath them.

On Christmas Eve, at the meat counter, a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation, she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?' 'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.'

Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? 

They have too many needles.

My friend who was in front of me was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

On Christmas Eve, Nathan thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be. Unable to decide, Nathan entered Debenhams and went to the cosmetics section. He asked the salesgirl, 'How about some perfume?'  She showed him a bottle costing RM275. 'Too expensive,' muttered Nathan. The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for RM70.  'Oh dear,' Nathan groused, 'still far too much.' Growing rather annoyed at Nathan's meanness, the salesgirl brought out a tiny RM10 bottle and offered it to him. Nathan became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.' So, the salesgirl handed him a mirror.

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