A
lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe
on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that
such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that
three men were buried under the stone.
However, he suggested an
alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a
lawyer.
"That
way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain
to remark: "That's Strange!"
Where was the toothbrush
invented?
Mississippi.
If it
would've been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush!
I just had a call from a
Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people
throughout the world.
I told them to buzz off!!!
Anybody who fits into my
clothes, isn't starving!!!
I am overly obese!!!
Grandpa always says when one door closes, another
one opens...
Great man, horrible cabinet
maker!
A
father and his son go into the grocery store. When they happened to be near the
condom counter, the son asks his father why there are so many different boxes
of condoms.
The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack?
That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for
Saturday night.''
The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack
for?'' The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have
2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''
Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. The father
replies, ''Well, that's when you're married. You have one for January, one for
February, one for March, one for.....''
"Cash, cheque or charge?" I asked,
after folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her
wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry
your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband
refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil
thing I could do to him!"
What's the difference between beer nuts and deer
nuts?
Beer nuts are a buck-fifty and deer nuts are
under a buck!
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar
getting hammered.
A man came in and asked the
farmer, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?'
The farmer shook his head and
replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
'So, what happened that's so
horrible?' the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
'Well,' the farmer said, 'today
I was sitting by my cow, milking her.
Just as I got the bucket about
full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.'
'Okay,' said the man, 'but
that's not so bad.' 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer replied.
'So, what happened then?' the
man asked. The farmer said, 'I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the
left.'
'And then?' 'Well, I sat back
down and continued to milk her.
Just as I got the bucket about
full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.'
Man laughed and said, 'Again?'
The farmer replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
'So, what did you do then?' the
man asked. 'I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the
right.'
'And then?' 'Well, I sat back
down and began milking her again.
Just as I got the bucket about
full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.'
'Hmmm . . . ' the man said and
nodded his head. 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer said.
'So, what did you do?' the man
asked.
'Well,' the farmer said, 'I
didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the
rafter.
In that moment, my pants fell
down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain!'
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