SUNDAY JOKES - 89

 

St. Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. 

He walked over to the "Pit" and called to the Devil...The Devil says, "Yeah, what do you want..?"
St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it.." .
The Devil retorted: "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone available for that..",
St. Peter got angry, "Look, we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate..!" ,
The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available..."
St. Peter turned red and exclaimed..."Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue..!"
A big grin broke out on the Devil's face, "Oh yeah, and just where are you going to find a lawyer on your side?"

A poor man told his wife, I am sick and tired of being poor, I am going to work overseas. So, he took off to Africa. A few years later, he returned. As he approached his house he got stunned with the luxurious and rich look of the house. He knocked on the door, the servant opened.
"Is the housewife in?" he asked. The servant replied: "Just a moment." The wife comes out. 

Wife: Wow, my man, all dressed up as a rich man after these years.
Husband: Guess what? I am rich.
Wife: How?
Husband: I went to Africa, found people walk with no underwear and sleep on sand, so I began to make and sell underwear and beds. Due to the high demand, I got rich fast.
Wife: A man, with all of your strength, had to go all the way to Africa, making beds and underwear, to get rich, and I am a little woman that stayed here, without underwear and on a single bed...I got very rich!

This fisherman goes to the river to check an illegal fish trap that he owns. He looks around to make sure there are no Fishing Inspectors about and proceeds to pull the fish trap out to check it.
An Inspector steps out of the bushes, “Aha!” he said and the fisherman spun around and yelled “Shit!”. 

The Inspector, who wasn’t expecting such a response said “Settle down, I’m the Fishing Inspector”.
“Thank God for that” said the fisherman, “I thought you were the bugger who owned this fish trap”.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Put a flashlight in her ear.

An English composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. 

Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he alright?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help this morning."

I was at a party, and this guy was hitting on me, and he's hitting on me with the most boring questions. 

One of them was, If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? 

And I was like, Anywhere? 

He was like, Anywhere. I was like, Uh - to the other side of the room. 

Now, please, get out of the way of this woman and her dream!

Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic!

Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle.
Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.
Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.
Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six-month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.
And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
A month later, they met at the bar. Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
"Me too," replied Dick.
"And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
"Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to toilet paper!"

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