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Sunday, January 23, 2022

SUNDAY JOKES - 91

 


Two priests were going to Phuket on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, “Good morning, Father” – “Good morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)
Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: “Good morning, Father,” “Good morning, Father,” and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it and spoke. “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know?”
“Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Irene!”


What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dino-snore!


A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. 

The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "why do you want to live to be a hundred for?"


"Do you believe marriage is a lottery?"
"No... it's not. 

In a lottery, a man is supposed to have a chance!"



An insurance agent's wife was learning to drive when the brakes failed. 

"What should I do?" she cried. 

"Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap!"


All of Georgetown was abuzz because a boy-broom and a girl-broom were going to get married. 

Everyone felt certain that the bride-broom and the groom-broom would make a lovely couple.
The night before the wedding, however, the bride-broom told the groom-broom that she was going to have a little wisk-broom.
"But, how can that be?" wailed the groom-broom, "We haven't even swept together yet!"


What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!


A guy receives an advertisement in the mail from a golf resort where everything costs one ringgit. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a ringgit. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another ringgit. His room is only a ringgit a day!
The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a set of golf balls to his room.
When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:
Golf: RM 1.00
Dinner: RM 1.00
Room: RM 1.00.
Set of golf balls: RM 3,000.00
He asks the Manager, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one ringgit, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"
"I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."
"Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand ringgit a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"
"That's right, sir, you could have, said the manager. Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"

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