SUNDAY JOKES - 95

 

A man went to police station to file a report for his missing wife.
Man: I lost my wife (misty)
Inspector: What is her height?
Man: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Man: Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector: Colour of eyes?
Man: Never noticed.
Inspector: Colour of hair?
Man: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Man: I don't remember exactly.
Inspector: Was somebody with her?
Man: Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together... And the man started crying.
Inspector: Let us search for the dog first!

Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else!

Why were the horses so happy?
Because they lived in a stable environment!

Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday, you said it's H to O!"

A manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage."

“Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!"

One Sunday, a priest announced he was passing out miniature crosses made of palm leaves. 

"Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching."
When the parishioners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five!"

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish.
The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen. The farmer mentioned the situation to the game warden. The warden then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish.
The warden dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the warden in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot.
The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite. The warden said, "I'm going to have to place you under arrest - I am a game warden and you are fishing illegally!"
The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the warden. 

The stranger then said, "Are you going to talk or fish?"

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