THURSDAY JOKES - 100

 

Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children. Then Ted died of heart disease.
She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.
Again, Judy remarried, and this time she and John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."
Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Margaret, do you think he meant her 1st, 2nd, or 3rd husband?"
Margaret replied: "I think he meant her legs, Ethel."

Where do you find lost silverware?
Answer: At the fork in the road.

A travelling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings. When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.

At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to descend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters.
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

Three young women were hired by an insurance company on the same day.

A year later the boss said each of them was due for a promotion and that each woman would get her own office with her name on the door.

One day, one of the women came in and found to her surprise that the other women had already moved into their own offices.
Going to her boss's office, she asked when her own office would be provided.

He pulled back his chair from his desk and unzipped his fly. "See this?" he asked, "This is quality and, in this company, quality goes in before the name goes on."

Keep the dream alive: hit the snooze button!

If you can stay calm while all around you is in chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation!

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'

'Well, my son' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'
'Yes,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mum, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes!'

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