THURSDAY JOKES - 110

 

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. 

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course, I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a lightning and in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred-yard dash. 

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" 

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it!"

Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?

Molecule 1: I’m positive!

When Magnesium and Oxygen started dating. 

I was like "OMG!"

Q: Why are atoms Catholic?

A: Because they have mass!

A Giants fan, a Padre fan and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. 

The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain. 

Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain!

Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?

A: So, they can walk!

A Photon walks into a hotel. 

The Desk Clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" 

The Photon says, "No thanks, I'm travelling light!"

Two guys were playing golf. On the tee, Jack hit his shot way left of the fairway into some buttercups. Bob proceeded to hit and his ball went way off to the right in the bushes. 

Jack eventually found his ball and proceeded to hit in the buttercups. All of a sudden, he heard a big *POOF* and a fairy appeared. She proceeded to say to Jack that she was Mother Nature and that she was really upset at him for damaging the buttercups. She said, ''Jack, for all the damage that you did to my buttercups, you will not have any butter to put on your toast in the morning for the next month. No, as a matter of fact, I am so upset with you that you won't have any butter for the whole next year! That should teach you a lesson so you won't hurt my creations." *POOF* She disappeared. 

Jack, stunned by what just happened, called out, "Bob! Bob! Come over here, quick!" Bob replied, "Wait a sec. I'm hitting my shot and I'll be right over." Jack yelled back at Bob, "Where are you?" Bob answered, "I'm over here in the pussy willows." 

Jack shouted back, "Don't swing Bob! For the love of God, don't swing!"

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