SUNDAY JOKES - 33

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was a strong liquor smell on her breath.
He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."
She replied, "You mean it shows that, too?"

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. 

He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.”

Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours, Ahmad?"
Ahmad: "My dream is to earn RM 20,000 a month like my dad."
Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?"
Ahmad: "No teacher, that's also my dad's dream."

Did you hear about the new household cleaner just launched in the market?
It's called "Bachelor."
Why?
Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? They're always so condescending. Ah, the book was much better than the movie. 

Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his diabetic client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your blood glucose is down to 9!

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "God is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "God? if you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

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