SUNDAY JOKES - 69

 

A man was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, "Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over?"
"Have you ever gone fishing?" the officer asked.
"Yes," Walter replied.
"Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond?"

We should play strip poker. 

You can strip and I’ll poke you!

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

Let’s play carpenter. 

First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you!

A priest is driving down to the Federal Highway and gets stopped for speeding in Petaling Jaya. The police officer smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest. The police officer says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Happiness is walking through the green grass barefoot....
Misery is walking through the green grass barefoot and then discovering it's a cow pasture littered with dung!

 

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us'.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers!'
The entire congregation said, 'Amen.'

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