SUNDAY JOKES - 71

 

Last year, I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy, oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year. . that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. 

There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard since. Guess I must have won that silly argument.

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? 

A golfer goes *whack* "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn" *whack*!

I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief. 

When I got home, all the signs were there!

What's the best thing about Switzerland? 

I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus!

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Ahmad. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Kassim," replied the second.
"My daddy's an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Ahmad. 

Kassim replied, "My daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Ahmad.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Kassim.

Son: "Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?"
Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday."
Son: "I thought so. Bet it won't do me any good either!"

A teacher asks the kids in her Standard Six class: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'
Little Sham says: 'I want to start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over five million ringgit, a luxury apartment in Tokyo, a mansion in Singapore, a jet to travel throughout Asia, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.'

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Sham, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson 'And how about you, Liza?'
'I want to be Sham's whore.'

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