Bowing and scraping to the high and mighty GDP (gross domestic protocols)

 

A friend walked out of the launch of something or other, at which politicians and other political types were present. After 20 minutes of listening to speeches praising and sucking up to each other, he just left.

So rude of him. I would have waited 25 minutes, made an excuse to go to the toilet, found a back door and escaped to start a new life under a new identity.

I have non-Malaysian friends who, after many minutes of speech in a language they didn’t understand, realised the speaker was still reeling off names and titles of important people present. They wished they could just walk out too.

These long speeches could have been cut by 75% had the titles and positions of the people been omitted. And cut by 99% if the speaker had just gone with “Hello everybody, welcome.”

But that would’ve been much too rude for our society; it would be frowned upon at the very least, and only reluctantly accepted if it’s done by a (white) foreigner.

Many Malaysians would consider such directness disrespectful and even insolent. Nobody can say we’re a society that doesn’t know what’s important in life!

Hierarchy of importance

The long boring speeches are the least of the formalities. There’s the organisation, invitation, special seats reserved for the VIPs (or VVIPs – titles have a hierarchy too), special dining room, reserved restrooms, you name it.

I would like to be charitable and say that the non-VIP attendees should at the very least be IPs (Important Persons), otherwise why were they invited at all?

But in reality they’re more like NIPs, or Not Important Persons. Their lot is to grin and bear it until the time when they themselves become VIPs.

To have somebody be “Important”, you must have others be “Not Important”. Importance cannot exist in a vacuum – it’s just one side of the “Your Worth according to Malaysia’s Societal Norms” coin.

The “Not Important” people humbly go along, accepting and even taking pride in their lowly station in life because it at least gives them a position in life too, however humble that is.

Knowing your place

In a society where being independent and different aren’t appreciated, it’s a warm, comfortable feeling knowing that you belong, even if you’re at the bottom of the totem pole.

Know Your Place is a very important rule in our social etiquettes. If formalities and protocols are exportable, we’d be richer than Singapore. Unfortunately, the wealthy export markets of the west (perhaps with the exception of the UK) aren’t exactly clamouring for them.

The government has a whole slew of departments handling protocols, to ensure that some VVIPs, perhaps MIPs (Mega Important Persons) or even UIPs (Ultra Important Persons) don’t feel slighted or offended.

The whole charade is about keeping the lower levels firmly in their place. We’re literally world champions when it comes to power-distance – basically the amount of crap the “lower” person is willing to take from a “higher” one without starting a revolution.

And we, the “lower” people of Malaysia, are willing to take a lot of crap from the “higher” ones, even if most of these people are not there based on merit but merely because of birth, politics or money.

The high and the almighty

The easiest way to be “higher” is certainly by just being born into it. I wasn’t, so I rue my poor choice of parents. To those who believe in reincarnation, choose better parents; or else come back as a housecat if you really want special treatment in life.

Those with money tend to see the protocols as proof that they’re indeed special, a symptom of toxic meritocracy where they think they’ve earned the kowtowing and sucking up. The “New Rich” people tend to be more noxious than the “Old Rich”, though often it’s just a matter of degree.

I also can’t stand another type of “higher people”, those “Learned“ ones who think they’re closer to God than the rest of us. Here too, the “New Learned” tend to be more noxious than the “Old Learned”, though again often it’s just a matter of degrees.

Meanwhile, back on earth, it’s shocking the amount of energy and resources put into making sure names and titles are correct, carpets are clean, special seats are placed in the centre and oh-so-slightly ahead of the front row.

The MLK factor

If this energy is directed elsewhere, such as producing economic output or taking care of the less fortunate or preserving the environment, we’d have a more prosperous and fairer society.

Then everybody would feel they’re as worthy and as important as anybody else, distinguished only by the content of their character, as Martin Luther King put it.

But had MLK been a Malaysian saying that, he’d never be invited to those formal events where speeches are long and boring, whether he could understand them or not.

(Well, OK, MLK was killed for his beliefs, so I’m not saying our love of protocols and formalities is the worst thing in the world, just that it’s bad).

Wasted energy

The energy that could’ve gone into growing the gross domestic product (GDP) has instead been growing another GDP – that of the gross (and very gross indeed) domestic protocols.

The reason formalities and protocols bother me is they emphasise form over function, and focus on the differences between us – that I’m rich and powerful and you’re not. They create division rather than unity, and foment exclusiveness rather than inclusiveness.

Enough of this. Next time you’re faced with another long, boring speech, just leave early, or come late, or don’t bother coming at all (unless somebody is marking attendance).

You won’t miss much, and instead you’d be adding to the right GDP, the one that benefits us all. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.