Two
life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one
said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me
honestly?"
"Yeah,
sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well,"
said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my
wife so attractive?"
"It's
probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.
"What
do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired
the first fellow.
"My
wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well,"
replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she
can't say 'NO'!!!"
A
woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for
the job.
Look
Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking
lemons?"
"Well,
as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three
times."
If
I had a star for every time my wife brightened my day, I would have had a
galaxy in my hand by now!
After
a nice dinner, the two couples got up from the table. The ladies went into the
kitchen and the men went into the family room.
One
of the gents said to the other, "I think it is so wonderful how you call
your wife, "honey pie" and "sweet pea", and
"sugar" all the time.
The
other gent said, "Well to tell you the truth, four years ago, I forget her
name!"
An
account executive drove his two young staff to work late one weekend for an
important company project. A genie appeared and granted each one wish.
The
first asked to be on a yacht in Hawaii and - poof - he was gone.
The
second wished to be transported to a Florida beach and - poof - she was away.
The
account exec thought briefly about his wish and then said, "I want those
two lazy bastards back here, right now!"
A
fox shot and killed a 38-year-old hunter in central Yugoslavia, the official
Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported yesterday.
Salih
Hajdur, a farmer from the village of Gornje Hrasno in the Republic of
Bosnia-Herzegovina, went to a nearby forest on Sunday to shoot a fox, Tanjug
said.
Hajdur
wounded a fox in the leg, the agency said, but to spare the skin he did not
fire again. Instead, he hit the animal with his rifle butt. The struggling
animal triggered a shot that hit Hajdur in the chest and killed him instantly,
Tanjug reported. The fox died later, Tanjug added.
Guess
what I am wearing?
The smile my wife gave me!
A
man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in
front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it
starts!"
The
wife sighed and got him a beer.
Ten
minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"
She
looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He
finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another
beer, it's going to start any minute!"
The
wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and
sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and
furthermore..."
The
man sighed and said: "It's started!"
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