SUNDAY JOKES - 125

 

A woman went to the doctor's clinic for her annual examination.
Suddenly, another older doctor noticed the woman burst out of the examination room, screaming as she ran down the hall. He stopped the hysterical woman and asked her to sit down and relax. Then, he asked her what she was so upset about.

A few minutes later, the older doctor marched back to the woman's doctor room and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children, and seven grandchildren... and you told her she was pregnant?"

The woman's doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"

 

Father: "Look at all these bills! Taxes, rent, telephone, clothes, food. The cost of living is going up everywhere. I’d be happy if just one thing went down". 

Little Johnny: "Dad, here’s my report card!"

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offence", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened!"

 

Wife: I’m mad.

Husband: Again or still?

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother!"

Dear Kassim,

I've never written to you before but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. It's the usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently - although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them. "I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the street.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just don't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my boat next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my boat, that I noticed that the lower unit of the boat seemed to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?
Worried sick in Port Kelang!

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"
"Two and a half carats!"

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

One student fell into the cycle of classes; studying, working, and sleeping.
Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, 

Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. 

Of course, we were much younger then and more impressionable. 

Love, 

Dad."

 

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a faraway country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: 'Justice prevailed'.

The senior partner replied in haste, 'Appeal immediately'!

 

It was very crowded and noisy in a restaurant and this blond girl asks the waiter where the restroom was. 
He says: "I can't hear you!"
So, she gets close to his ear and asks again: "Can you please tell me where the ladies' room is?"
And he replies: "On the other side!"
So, she turns around and gets close to his other ear, and asks: "Can you please tell me where the ladies' room is, please!"

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