THURSDAY JOKES 124

 

Jerry came home from office at two in the afternoon as he had forgotten to carry an important file. He found his wife without a stitch on their bed.
Jerry, obviously surprised, said to her, “Brenda, what do you think you are doing lying there like that at this time of the day?”
Brenda replied, “I don't have anything proper to wear.”
Jerry opened their cupboard and said. “What the hell………you have countless dresses, see……here's one dress……second dress……third one…...the fourth…………"hi there Tom”………here's the fifth……..”

 

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted a boy drowning in the river. The man started shouting "HELP! HELP! I can't swim", a man passing by the road shouted back "Will you ever grow up! I also can't ride a bicycle but you'll never hear me yelling about it in the street!"

Jake and his buddy Fred visit a brothel. Jake goes into the room with the prostitute first while Fred waits outside.
When he's done, Jake closes the door behind him and says: "Don't waste your time. My wife's better."
But Fred goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says:

"Damn, Jake, you were right. Your wife is better."!

Even if there wasn't gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you!

 

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it!"

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, 

Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter.

Of course, we were much younger then and more impressionable. 

Love, Dad."

We're not socks. 

But I think we'd make a great pair!

Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.

Liz:   "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"

Sally: "Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz:    "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally: "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods because I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz:    "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally: "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz:    "So, how's that going help you get a man."

Sally: "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters!"

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