TUESDAY JOKES - 124

 

Me and my friends were eating steamboat at Johnny's one day.
We started talking crap and just so happen.... one of my friends said out loudly a Chinese swear word. 

Beside us is a family with kids eating.

"I shouldn't have said that" he said.

He was a mamak!

Dato' Ismail Sabri was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

Three potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Malay, one Chinese and one Indian.

Dato' Ismail Sabri interviews the first Indian: "So Muthu, this is a dangerous mission....how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."

"Why so much?" asked Dato' Ismail Sabri.

"Nowadays toddy very expensive, Dato'...." replies Muthu.

"I see," said Dato' Ismail Sabri. "Thank you....please ask the Malay guy to come here."

So, the Malay guy walks up and is asked the same question.

"Uh... 2 million boleh lah" replies the Malay applicant.

"2 million ringgit? That's a lot of money! even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"

"You see, Dato'" explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 20 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."

"I see," said Dato' Ismail Sabri. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dato' Ismail Sabri asks "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission...how much do you think you should be paid?"

Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says "3 million"

Dato' Ismail Sabri is shocked. "WHAT?! 3 million? Why so much?!"

Ah Chong beckons Dato' Ismail Sabri to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, and then one million I keep and then one more million to send aneh into space!"

In Malaysia...,

If you're not lazy, you're not Malay

If you're not greedy, you're not Chinese

If you don't get drunk every night, you're not Indian...

How the three Malaysian races buy a car...

Chinese will ask: Boss ah, resale value good anot?

Malay will ask: Encik, minyak dia satu tank brapa ringgit?

Indian will ask: Inche, ini kereta brapa orang buleh masuk?

When Hari Raya comes close to Chinese New Year, they call it 'Kongsi Raya.'

When Hari Raya comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Deeparaya.'

When Chinese New Year comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Kongsi Gelap'!

USA  = Astronaut

Russia = Cosmonaut

China = Taikornaut

Malaysia = Can-or-Not?

 

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a magic lamp. He rubbed on it and a genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Machan ..." The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a China-man!" Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with a handphone in hand. As he walked towards his brand-new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own reflection. Not only was he smartly dressed, but he was also much fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained "Are you deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a China-man, not become a China-man!" I don't want to be a china-man because they cheat, lie, and con their way to becoming rich..." The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish. "What do you want then, Muthu?" To which Muthu quickly replied, "I just want to be rich and I don't want to work!" Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra ...

One fine day, three friends died in a car accident, one Chinese, one Indian and one Malay. They all went to heaven. At the Gate of Heaven, stood God, he said that they'll need to pay a large sum of money to enter heaven. The Chinese immediately found an Ah Long and borrowed the money from him, God let him through. The Indian asked his family and relatives in heaven for the money, he too entered heaven. So, they both waited happily inside the Gate for their Malay friend. After waiting for some time, they felt weird that their friend hasn't shown up yet, they then went outside to look for him and saw him standing there. "What are you doing here? Why didn't you go in?" asked them both. "I'm waiting for the funds from the government" he replied!

Dating Malay, Chinese and Indian chicks!

Malay girl...

1st date: You get to hold hands.

2nd date: You get a goodbye kiss.

3rd date: You both get caught by JAIS.

Chinese girl...

1st date: You take her to a restaurant.

2nd date: You take her to an expensive restaurant.

3rd date: You take her to a very expensive restaurant and buy her a diamond necklace. You get to hold her hands later that night.

Indian girl...

1st date: You meet her parents.

2nd date: She meets your parents.

3rd date: Wedding night!

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