Who Is Third Party?

By now, I am sure every Malaysian and his Proton Preve has watched Malaysia’s answer to Gangnam Style on Youtube. No, by that I didn’t mean the Terima Kasih video. I meant the now infamous “Listen Listen Listen” video.

I am not going to waste this blog’s space to discuss what was said by the student. Nor do I intend to delve into the very civil and educative reaction by the facilitator of the student forum at UUM. I am more concerned by the seemingly innocuous aspect of the LLL Video, an aspect which a great many of us missed.

The now (in)famous LLL Video

At the beginning of the LLL Video, there was this “oath” that the students took. Again, I am not going to discuss the whole oath. A part of the so-called oath was this:

“We support….peace, harmony and welfare (of the people)….without the interference of Third Party…” (literal translation by myself).

In its original language:

“Kami menyokong….keamanan, keharmonian dan kesejahteraan (rakyat)…tanpa campurtangan Pihak Ke-tiga.”

From time immemorial, Third Party has been blamed for every kind of disaster, calamity and bad tidings. Third Party must be the most blameful of God’s creature. Right from the beginning of humanity, Third Party has been responsible for whatever incidents or occurrences, provided that such incidents or occurrences are bad in nature. By bad I mean to say that such incidents or occurrences don’t turn out as planned.

The original Third Party

It all started with Adam and Eve of course. To cut a long – and very well known – story short, all of us were thrown out of the garden of Eden, because, erm…of Third Party. Here Third Party took the form of a snake. Quite why the snake was not bashed to smithereens upon its appearance remains a mystery. Otherwise, we would all be running in slo-mo in the garden now. And I would not be typing this article. However, that was the first – and earliest – record of Third Party having interfered with our live.

During the Clinton administration, Third Party was nearly caught. Or so it was believed. Clinton loves to smoke cigars. And he had quite a collection too. He loves cigars because he loves to smoke things without inhaling, apparently. Quite why the CIA had never investigated whether Clinton’s cigars were contraband from Cuba is beyond us. I, however digress. Sorry.

Back to Clinton’s cigars and Third Party. Clinton and the whole Capitol Hill’s population were often left wondering why his cigars kept on diminishing in numbers. The Secret Service and CIA were dead sure that Third Party was involved. An operation ensued to snare Third Party. Until one day, a Monica Lewinsky was caught having a cigar. Third Party was nowhere to be seen.

Monica Lewinsky – mistaken for Third Party

Just walk into any of our Courts in the middle of a drug trafficking trial I can assure you 99% of the time, the accused would say the drug wasn’t his or hers. The drug was left with him or her for caretaking by Third Party. Oh this Third Party. He/she/it is everywhere, isn’t he/she/it?

Possible Third Party in divorce proceedings?

Come out from the drug trial and walk into the family Court or the Syariah Court in the middle of a divorce proceeding. I can also assure you that 98.9% of the time, divorces is blamed on Third Party.

So you see, all of humanity was thrown out of paradise because of Third Party. Presidents and men of power have been shamed by Third Party. People have been sent to the gallows because of Third Party. Marriages crumble, relationship break up and wars happen because of Third Party. Third Party is the scum of this earth, the cretin who quite often crawl out of his/her/its hovel to infect all of us with bad tidings, bad luck and just plain badness. I tell you, if I find Third Party, I would handcuff her/him/it and beat her/him/it to instant coronary failure. Such is my absolute detestation of this creature, Third Party.

Do not however mistake Third Element with Third Party. In Le Tour de France, Lance Armstrong did not win seven times because of Third Party. He won because of Third Element.

So was the goal scored by Diego Maradona against the long suffering English team in the 1986 World Cup. No. That wasn’t aided by Third Party. That was apparently god showing off what he can do with his hand. And that also shows that god watches, if not plays, football.

This is Third Element, not Third Party

Speaking of football, many think that in the case of Manchester United, Third Party always help them to win. These people however forget that that this so-called Third Party has quite often helped Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea to win too.

In Luis Suarez’ case however, it is arguable that Third Party takes the form of his own hand (arguably, it is god’s hand again). Sometime, Third Part becomes invisible and trip Suarez in the penalty box causing him to fall and earn a penalty.

The time will come when Luis Suarez becomes aware of Third Party’s presence and starts blaming Third Party for causing him to inexplicably fall in the penalty box. When asked why he falls without any apparent touch by his opponent, he might say:

“I zon’t know. I wuz runnin’ and Third Party tripz me and ze I fell…”

Third Party turned invisible to trip Luis Suarez

Such is the presence, effect and interference of Third Party in our daily live.

I applaud the UUM students for their astute realisation that Third Party is within us, bent on creating havoc. I also applaud their courage and bravery in making it known that Third Party will not allowed to interfere with our peace, harmony and welfare.

Well done.

Ps As much as I would like to guarantee that Third Party did not in any way interfered with this article, sadly, I can’t. For all I know, Third Party had invisibly typed this while I was asleep.