SATURDAY JOKES - 69

 

A woman and her baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby's first examination. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
"Breast-fed," she replied.
"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. 

Motioning her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

A priest, a minister and a religious man walked into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says: What is this, a joke?

The father is telling his son stories to help him sleep. The only sound is the murmur of dad's voice.
Two hours pass, and there's silence in the room. The mother creeps to the door and whispers, "Is he asleep, dear?"
"Yes, Mommy," says her son.

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them!

I got the strangest recording when I called the phone company the other day.
It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against Company policy. Please hang up and redial."

 

Two nuns are riding their bikes down the back streets of Rome.
One says breathlessly, "I've never come this way before!"
To which the other replies, "It's the cobblestones."

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

Together we can stop this crap!

One day an old lady walked into the doctor's office and was shown into a room. When the doctor came in and asked what the problem was, she answered, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent and doesn't smell at all."
The doctor, after examining her thoroughly, gave her some pills and told her to take one every day and come back in a week. 

The lady returned, and when the doctor asked if her problem was any better, she replied, "Well I don't know what you gave me, but now my gas smells terrible!"
The doctor replied, "Well, now that we've got your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!"

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