SUNDAY JOKES - 66

 

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Darling Mary' written on it, "she said, furious. "You better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the horse race track? That was the name of the horse I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your horse called last night."

“Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”
“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”

Dick and Dirk are employed in a computer hardware store as movers.
One day, both of them were asked to move some computers. Dick being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time, he sees that Dirk is struggling very hard to lift his computer.
At this Dick says, "What Dirk, my computer has 500 MB Hard Disk and yours has just 250, even then you cannot lift it ?"
At this Dirk thinks for a while and replies, "Thats right, but my hard disk is full but yours is empty"

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed!

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously around the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

A man took off with his family to tour the country. When he returned, his next-door neighbour asked how he enjoyed the vacation.
"Well," he replied, "have you ever spent three weeks in a mini-van with those you thought you really loved?"

Dentist: "You need a crown."
Patient: "Finally, someone who understands me."

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have been down there, so send him up here."
Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here, or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

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