THURSDAY JOKES - 68

 

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law during his holidays. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake some cupcakes.
After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.
"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite and said, "Timmy these are so good."
As he finished a cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. "These cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get the icing so neat?"
His nephew replied, "It was easy. I just licked them."
The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. "You licked all of these?"
Timmy replied, "Well no. After a while my tongue gets tired, and I get the dog to help."

What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.

A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."

Why didn’t the frog sit on the toadstool?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”
“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!

 

Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.

 

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and he stood in front of them.
He then asked, "Who pushed port-a-potty over the cliff?"
Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who pushed port-a-potty over the cliff?"
Again, nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I will tell the story of Georgie and Georgie's father. Georgie chopped down the cherry tree. Georgie told the truth; Big Georgie did not punish him." So, the Indian asked again,
"Who pushed port-a-potty over the cliff?"
To which the littlest Indian replied, "I pushed port-a-potty over the cliff."
The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie told the truth; Georgie was not punished. I told the truth, I got punished. Why did you punish me, father?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie was not on the cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

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