SATURDAY JOKES - 73

 

An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Fifty years ago, we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?"
So, they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."
"I'm least surprised," replies the old man. "One is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"  

I like telling Dad jokes. 

Sometimes he laughs!

A woman was happily showing off her new mink coat. 

"It was nice of your husband to buy you that fur coat," said a friend.
"He had to," explained the woman. "I caught him kissing the maid."
"Oh, how dreadful," replied the friend, sympathetically. "Well, did you fire her?"
At this, the woman smiled and replied, "Oh no, no... you see, I still need a new hat."

What's the best smelling insect? 

A deodor-ant!

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshippers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one shook the minister’s hand, he said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, I bet you’re smarter than Einstein. "Beaming with pride, the minister said, “Why, thank you, brother!"

As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more he though, the more he wondered why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. 

So, the following Sunday he asked the man, “Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein? "The man replied, “Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, in your case, no-one can understand you.”

Did you hear about the new garlic diet?
You don't actually lose weight, but you look slimmer from a distance!

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? 

An irrelephant!

At age 4, success is... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is... having friends.
At age 16, success is... having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is... having sex.
At age 35, success is... having money.
At age 50, success is... having more money.
At age 60, success is... having sex.
At age 70, success is... having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is... having friends.
At age 80, success is... not peeing in your pants!

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