TUESDAY JOKES - 74

 

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of Universiti Malaya, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The Engineer replies, "In the region of RM10,000 a month, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks' vacation, 14 days paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Ferrari?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

What does a sprinter eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

An eminent banker explained just how he started in business:
"I had nothing to do, and I rented an empty store, and put up a sign, People's Bank. As soon as I opened for business, a man dropped in and made a deposit of two hundred ringgit. The next day another man dropped in and deposited three hundred ringgit. And so, sir, the third day, my confidence in the enterprise reached such a point that I put in fifty ringgit of my own money."

Bill: I know a man who drove a stagecoach and it didn’t have any wheels.
Ted: What held it up?
Bill: Bandits.

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well, and I just act as if I'm listening."

A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Langkawi," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Penang?"
"Well," the husband said, "We changed our plans because, uh..."
His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Ahmad!" He kept quiet, and she continued,
"You know, it's just ridiculous. Ahmad simply will NOT ask for directions."

I asked my cat what's two minus two. 

He said nothing!

DEFINITION...

 

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only creature you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me - deep in conversation.

GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

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