SUNDAY JOKES - 147

 

Mt. Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier was putting the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well but the cashier refused and said, "because I don't believe you are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off of the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later!

 

December is the month when the kids begin to discuss about what to get Dad for Christmas.
Some insist on a shirt.
Others insist on a pair of socks.

The argument always ends in a tie!

 

After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the troops.
"People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're going to have a fire sale."
"A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance."

"I said a fire sale and I meant it," she replied hotly. "Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired!"

 

Our parents got divorced when we were kids and it was kind of cool. 

We got to go to the divorce court with them. It was like a game show. 

My mom won the house and car. We're all excited. 

My dad got some luggage!

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."
So, the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'." The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa make a frog noise." The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak, we can go to Disney World!"

I was travelling with my wife to Kanyakumari, India, one of the windiest places on Earth. Braving our way through the crosswind, we made our way to the toll-booth where I asked a bespectacled attendant, "What do you guys do in Kanyakumari when the wind quits?"

Adjusting his rims, the guy answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets!"

 

Laptops may lead to impotence. 

Yay. I'm buying my daughter's boyfriend an Apple MacBook first thing tomorrow morning!

 

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knock on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15 am". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25 am!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again, he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
"Sir, sir? It's 8:45 am!."

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