TUESDAY JOKES - 126

 

A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says, "Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?"
The blonde replies, "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."
The man responds, "Huh, that's interesting. Why did you give them such names?"
The blonde sighs and shakes her head, "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... ugh, what else would you name your watchdogs?"

 

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. 
The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. 

"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in the seventh grade. 

Which one is the sexiest? 

The blonde because she is the only one that's 18.

A true story, according to the LA Times.....
Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"
Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"

 

What happened when they crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
The bird not only delivered the mail but also knocked on the door.

A compilation of hilarious classified classics:-

** A superb and economical restaurant. Fine food, expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. 

** No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

** Sale! Sale! An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. 

** We don't tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

** Great chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. 

** Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

** Dinner Special - Turkey $2.75; Chicken or Beef $2.50; Children $2.00. 

** Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.



Two women were playing golf. On the third hole, there were 4 men in front of them but about 175 yards down the fairway. 
The first woman said I'll tee off he is far enough away. She hit the drive of her life, like a shot straight down the faraway. She screamed fore at the top of her lungs and as the men turned one was hit solidly. He was rolling on the ground in pain with his hands between his legs. 
She ran to him, apologizing and saying "let me help I am a physical therapist." He protested but she got him to put his hands at his side. She unzipped his pants and began massaging him. 
"How does that feel?" she asked. He said, "Great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Genting. She's down to her last RM 100. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29 and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

As usual, we remind you to take your Memo Plus Gold daily. It will help to keep you alert and mentally sharp. For more information or to order for Memo Plus Gold, please visit : https://oze.my.