SATURDAY JOKES - 134

 

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief resident is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient relieving himself in his room.

"What condition does he have?" the student asks.
"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder", the resident replies. "If he doesn't ejaculate 40-50 times a day, he'll become disoriented."
As the two continue their rounds, the student peeks into another room and sees a patient with his pants around his ankles and making love to a beautiful nurse.
"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"

"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. 

"He just has a better health plan!"

Two signs at a Moroccan shop entrance:

"English well talking." 

"Here speaking American."

 

Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. 

If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty!

 

It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long!!!

 

If I Can't Be Number One in Your Life, Then Number Two on You!

 

If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me!

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential."

Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it!"

 

Fauziah was surprised to receive ten ringgit from her Aunt for her birthday. 

The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.

"I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied.

"He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a ringgit like usual!"

 

I used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore! 

And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. 

And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a mathematic person at all but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had made love probably, I'd like to think, like, ten thousand times or, at least, 2,100 days. 

So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning!

 

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. 

Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.

She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you please help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am now.'

The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40- and 41-degrees north latitude and between 59- and 60-degrees west longitude.'
'You must be an Engineer,' said the balloonist.
'I am,' replied the man, 'how did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is probably technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip by your talk.'

The man below responded, 'You must be in Management.'
'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my blooming fault!!!' 

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