Two Orang Asli living in the remotest part of
Pahang were visiting Kuala Lumpur for the first time to attend a meeting. There
was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drinks. At the end of the
party, they both staggered outside. One guy crossed the street, while the other
stumbled into the MRT entrance. When the first guy reached the other side of
the street, he noticed the other emerging from the MRT subway stairs.
"Where
have you been?" he slurred.
"I
don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set
that guy has in his basement!"
Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn't want to split hairs.
A famous professor of surgery died and went to
heaven. At the Pearly Gates, he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you
ever committed a sin that you truly regret?"
"Yes," the professor answered.
"When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played
soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which
was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I
regret that now."
"Well,"
said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank
you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're
welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper.
"He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."
Q: What did the toaster say
to the slice of bread?
A: I want you inside me!
A squirrel was sitting in an apple tree. All
of a sudden, a cow started climbing up the tree. Surprised to see a climbing
cow the squirrel asked the newcomer, "What the heck are you doing here?"
The
cow replied, "I thought I'd eat some oranges."
"But
this is an apple tree."
"I
know. I brought my own."
Q: What goes in hard and dry
then comes out wet and soft?
A: Chewing gum
Grandpa
was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how
athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen,
I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been
in the open-air day after day for some 75 years now."
The
celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous
fitness regime.
He
replied, "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our
wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who
was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three-year-old daughter came into the room when I was just getting
ready to get into the shower.
She
said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I
replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I
know," she replied ... "but what is growing in your butt?"
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