When academician Zainal Kling started his opening speech at the Malay Dignity Congress, he said the word 'Tanah Melayu' no less than six times within the first minute.
After the sixth time of him proclaiming this land as Tanah Melayu, I turned to look at my friend, who is also a journalist and, and a Malay, who was sitting next to me.
"Awkward," I said, jokingly.
"That's awkward," he said, almost at the same time.
When Zainal, who is also chief executive of the Malay Dignity Congress secretariat, started insisting on the sovereignty and the special position of the Malays, I reminded myself, this is not the first time I have heard such rhetoric.
Just a few weekends ago, I was at the Putra World Trade Centre (PWTC) covering the Umno-PAS joint charter at the Perhimpunan Penyatuan Ummah where tens of thousands of Malay supporters flooded the building, and it was just business as usual for me as a journalist.
Yet I could not shake the uncomfortable feeling that grew in me as Zainal continued his speech, which seemed to be warmly received by the more than 5,000-strong crowd in the Melawati Stadium in Shah Alam.
No one else around me seemed to be as uncomfortable as I was at that time, though I later found out that a number of non-Malay journalists felt the same as me.
At that time, I attempted to play off my unease by discussing the news value of the speech with my fellow journalists.
“Are you going to do a story on Zainal’s speech?” asked another journalist, who is also a Malay.
“I’m not sure yet. There isn’t much that’s new in the speech,” I replied.
“It was a borderline hate speech,” she said to me, before turning to pay attention to the next speech.
Perhaps she did not realise it, but that brief exchange of unintentional solidarity did make me feel better, at least until the next speaker started his presentation on the congress’ demands for the culture cluster.
As the speaker passionately spoke about the “tough actions” that should be taken against anyone who disrespected Islam, who were against including the Jawi script in official government business, as well as in protecting Bahasa Malaysia as the national language, the crowd cheered and clapped for him.
Again, my discomfort grew to the point I felt slightly nauseated.
Don't get me wrong. I do think it is important to respect all religions and languages and we should, of course, take pride in our national language. But there was something about their fervour that felt exclusionary.
I felt that even though we were all sitting in the same hall, we were living in parallel versions of Malaysia. I think I was so uncomfortable because I felt like an alien there.
The feeling of discomfort persisted as the presentation on the other four clusters - politics, economy, religion and education - continued.
Eventually, my attention wandered to some people in the crowd taking pictures together, and I began to wonder, what do they want for Malaysia in the future?
As they smiled for the camera, proud and happy to be at the congress, I realised they probably imagined a very different Malaysia than me in the future.
For myself, I would like to see the day when Malaysians no longer see everything through a racial and religious lens, among others.
But as I listened to the speeches made at the congress, it made me feel like that day might never come.
GERALDINE TONG is a member of the Malaysiakini team. - Mkini
surah mudassir bangla |সুরা মুদাসসির | Noor
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