A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a
cruiser with an experienced colleague.
A
call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small
crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said,
"let's get off the corner, people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he
barked again, "let's get off that corner...NOW!" Intimidated, the
group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman
turned to his colleague and asked, "well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the veteran
policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!!!"
I saw my teacher kissing Santa Chlorine under the
Christmas tree last night
They didn't sneak to me the periodic chart for me to take a peek.
At all the atoms reacting in their beakers; it was neat.
And I saw my teacher kissing Santa Chlorine under the
Christmas tree so bright.
Oh, what a reaction there would have been if the
principal had walked in.
With my teacher kissing Santa Chlorine last night!
At the
retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words
'sex' and 'love.'
The woman wrote: "When two mature
people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree
and that they respect each other very much, just like Ahmad and I, it is
spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the active physical
sex with one another."
And Ahmad wrote: "I love sex!"
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me
to help check her balance.
So, I pushed her over!
Little Adam comes home from his first day
in school.
His mother asks: "What did you learn
at school today, Little Adam".
Little Adam replies: "Not enough,
mum. I have to go back tomorrow!"
A man meets a woman at a bar and asks her, "Would you have sex with me for
10 million ringgit?"
Without skipping a beat, she screams "Yes!"
The man then asks "What
about for RM100?"
She looks at him sideways and says
"What do you think I am, a whore?"
The man says "We've already established that
you are, now we're just negotiating!"
A small-town prosecuting barrister called his first
witness to the stand in a trial - an attractive middle-aged lady. He approached
her and asked, "Ms. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "I do know you, Mr.
Leigh. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a
big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big
shot when you haven't the brains to realise you never will amount to anything
more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing
what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do
you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do.
I've known Mr. Knowles since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him
for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy,
bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship
with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.
Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to
silence and called both barristers to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt!"
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle
yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's
electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze,
the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten
sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said, "WHERE AM
I?" in
large letters.
People in the tall building quickly
responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.'
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and
determined the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed
safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the
pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine our
position.
The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply!
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